Article posted Thursday, July 1, 2010 2:08pm

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Celebrate the spirit of independence by wearing stilts, stars and stripes, and a funny top hat. Simultaneously, celebrate our nation by taking out a pricey insurance policy on the stilts.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Make yourself a nice s’more tonight and you will have gooey, sugary dreams.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): A balloon fight will be fun, then awkward, as you discover the downside of wearing a white t-shirt.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): A firework is likely to land in your neighbor’s lawn, which will in turn lead to your neighbor landing angrily in your lawn.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): You’ve often thought gorillas were sort of cute, which bodes well for next week’s hot date.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Your harsh words about mosquitoes appear to have kept them away this year. Next, utter some harsh words about snakes and spiders and perhaps we’ll get lucky.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Your lucky pyrotechnic this week is the sparkler. Do your best to have one lit in hand during the Powerball drawing.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): The sound of one hand clapping will drive you just nutty today.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): A helmet is strongly starred for your next dental visit. The industry really has become quite rough.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Your button-fly jeans will button tomorrow, but they will not fly.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Eat more fish and gum.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The vacuum will emerge the clear winner in Tuesday’s rug fight. With one valued item ruined, you will be the loser.