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Article posted Thursday, August 12, 2010 10:44pm

“Why Is It…?” was designed by Dr. Steiner to address readers’ questions about human behavior from a social psychological perspective in order to inform and stimulate dialogue about the ways in which our thoughts, feelings and behaviors are influenced by the presence of other people. Dr. Steiner holds a Ph.D. in Applied Social Psychology. In addition to working as a university educator over the last 17 years, she conducts individual and group consultations in matters of social relationships and behavior. Readers are invited to submit their questions anonymously in one paragraph or less to Dr. Steiner at [email protected].

Q: Why is it that so many parents rush their children into making purchasing decisions?

A: We’ve all witnessed the scenario a dozen times. While at a store, fair or counter display, a child is given the opportunity to “pick out” and purchase an item (either with their own money or that of their parents). At times, the child knows exactly what he or she wants and the purchase is made in no time flat. But other times, the child takes time to engage in a thoughtful and careful deliberation over which toy or item to buy.

In many cases, the child’s decision-making process is accompanied by the impatient and irritated tone of an adult’s comments, urging the child to “hurry up.” Phrases such as “you can buy something – just make it fast” or “hurry up – we don’t have all day” are all too common. And while we can certainly appreciate the need to keep up with our busy lives and schedules – this type of impatient urging can lead to the development of impulsive and problematic purchasing patterns as the child matures into adulthood.

Children depend on their parents, grandparents, and other adult role models to teach them correct and appropriate social, as well as economic, life skills. When a child is given the opportunity to make a purchasing decision as a consumer, it actually represents a realistic “classroom” setting whereby they gain valuable experience that forms the foundation of their learned consumer behaviors.

While it may be regarded as just a “silly toy” to adults, the child considers the purchase as a valuable addition to his/her collection of material possessions. For many children, the gravity of their decision is just as important to them, as an adult’s decision to purchase a desired or needed product or service.

In considering the purchase of a vehicle or home, would we willingly make a hasty and impulsive decision? Or, would we carefully weigh all the options before us and take the time to critically analyze the pros and cons of each available choice? And if someone were standing over our shoulder saying, “hurry up – you’re taking too long” – we would surely be distracted from our ability to make an informed decision and would strongly object to such an unreasonable demand. Therefore, why should the standards be any different, when it comes to the purchasing decisions made by our children?

Children who make purchasing decisions under the “shot-gun” urgency of adults are very likely forming ill-fated, consumer psychologies that may generalize to poor decisions as adult consumers. If we want our children to grow into intelligent and mindful consumers, it is critical that we set the stage early in life – not only through our own role-modeled examples – but also through our effort to be patient and respectful of a child’s willingness and ability to make thoughtful decisions.

Even in cases where time urgency isn’t a factor, adults frequently interject and impose their own “opinions” onto the child’s purchasing decisions. I have witnessed countless instances of a child who has indicated a clear and decisive product choice, a T-shirt in a given color, for example, only to be rebutted by the accompanying adult saying, “no, I think this other color looks better on you.” And in some cases, the adult explicitly refuses the child’s preference in deference to their own. This purchasing dynamic is equally detrimental, as the child learns to mistrust his/her own preferences and develops a dependent and timid approach to consumer behavior.

As accompanying adults, we need to “grin and bear it” – practicing patience through what may seem like an eternity – as our children “obsess” over which item to buy. We should offer our opinions, when asked, but refrain from imposing our own wishes, expectations or preferences in order to foster the child’s sense of worth, validity, and integrity as a current and future consumer.

American society is inundated with product advertisements and purchasing incentives. Statistics show that the average American child will have witnessed over 100,000 commercial messages by the time they are three years of age! With the overwhelming bombardment of campaigns designed to separate us from our hard-earned dollars – it’s not merely a recommendation, but an obligation to teach our youth to make careful and deliberate consumer decisions. So the next time your little one is weighing options at the checkout counter – take a deep breath and let them take their time – the long-term investment will be well worth the wait.