Article posted Thursday, October 14, 2010 12:58pm

Libra (September 23 – October 22): You are destined to become the next Julia Childs and can call on Queen Victoria to assist you in the kitchen. Watch for a signal from the tower in Peninsula Park that suggests the time for you to bring out your garlic and eggplant casserole.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): The whirlwind that blew the roof off your front porch is actually a good omen that your quest to be the first person to cross the revitalized Michigan Street Bridge in Sturgeon Bay will be fulfilled. Remember to wear your life vest, just in case.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Astrological signs suggest that you dump your significant other and team up with real estate agents from Illinois to discover the new you. Extreme Makeover agents will want to meet with you soon.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): A cosmic journey will begin for you as Jupiter reaches the orbit of Saturn. Try a new pink ensemble for this exciting time and remember to pay your utility bill before the lights go out.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): A sentimental journey is in the offering for you and this will take you to Roanoke, Virginia and some other exotic places possibly including Dyckesville. Your broker will call with the good news.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Your horoscope for this period has been subject to review by the American Society of Professional Predictors and will not be available for your inspection until the next issue of the Peninsula Pulse.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Stop whatever you have been doing and go quickly to the nearest Amtrak station to await the arrival of a new person in your life. If the Buick won’t start, ask a friend to haul your sagging body to the depot.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Horoscope alert! You did not follow instructions per your most recent horoscope forecast. Take firm control and follow that guidance faithfully until further direction is received. NO DEVIATION.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): This is your strong time. Nothing will stand up to your determination to move into broad, sunlit uplands. The path is clear and the force is with you but go easy on those fatty foods you’ve been stuffing into your body.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): All colors will suit you well in this forecast period. You should set fire to your current wardrobe except for the garments that Scand will accept. Other exciting avenues of interest will open just for you.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): A strong wind will come from the east in three days signaling that your ship is about to arrive. Hurry to the post office to learn which dock will receive the ship and its contents of used auto parts from the Ukraine.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Continue to avoid left turns again this period and that includes Donald Trump. As the stars guide you, be confident in your decision to run for mayor of Newark, New Jersey as soon as the position opens up.