Article posted Wednesday, October 27, 2010 5:02pm

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): You are a “glass half full” kind of person, which presents a real dilemma each day when you are forced to choose between optimism and essential hydration.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): You will feel very ticklish on Tuesday when a large feathered bird attacks you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): It’s never too soon to start compiling your ten-page wish list for Christmas and you’re birthday. Get crackin’.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Smile at a co-worker when they try to make you laugh this week. Despite how not funny you find them, it will be a good decision to not be rude.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Your attempt to re-create your family tree will end poorly when you discover that most of your long lost family lives in trees.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): With the November winds blowing in, time to step up your hair brushing frequency schedule.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You have only yourself to blame for the Cheetoh-orange color you now see on your steering wheel.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Speak in a British accent at Thursday’s book club – unless you are British, in which case an Italian accent is well starred.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): This month, prepare to be continually baffled by how that photograph made everyone look so tiny and demonic.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): A funny Halloween thing to do would be to dress up as Santa Claus and totally confuse people about what holiday it is.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): There is a double pot of gold waiting for you somewhere over the double rainbow.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): The kernel is there. You pop the corn.