Navigation

Article posted Tuesday, December 7, 2010 3:32pm

Dear Mary Pat,

I’ve got an acquaintance who has, in her mind, turned into my best friend. Once she was someone I would see out casually, now she’s like a flea a dog can’t shake. She calls way too much, tries way too hard to lock me into plans, and I just don’t know what to do. My husband and I liked her and her husband much better at a distance. Her enthusiasm isn’t contagious, it’s annoying. I don’t know how to politely rebuff her offerings of friendship. Between my job, our family and our truly close friends, it’s hard enough to fit everyone and everything in. How am I supposed to make time for someone that I see as a chore?

Signed,
How to End the Friend?
Baileys Harbor, WI

Dear How to End the Friend?,

There are a quite a few people born without the ability to pick up on social cues like the rest of us. Say, for example, you are on a date and an associate chats your ear off for 45 minutes at the bar while you are waiting for a table. Not what you pictured for your romantic night out. Or, there are the people who keep talking after you look at your watch several times claiming you are going to be late from picking your kids up at soccer practice. Or, there are the people who in your case, try to suffocate you socially. Either you are an amazing charismatic couple that this couple is drawn to or, more likely, you are just the latest victim of their social ignorance. You are in a tough position. If you are like me, it isn’t in your nature just to be rude to someone and tell them to buzz off.
You are going to have to, I hate to say, SLOWLY let them get the picture. You need to be polite, but firm when say you are unavailable. After the eighth or ninth time of saying you and your husband aren’t available, even they should figure out that you are not looking to spend time with them. I do believe that you should always try to be nice to everyone and be inclusive, however, that does not mean you should have to suffer through spending time with people of whom you aren’t overly fond. There is always a balance to be struck between being friendly and not being someone’s door mat.

Good luck,
Mary Pat