Article posted Tuesday, December 21, 2010 1:38pm

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Although you’ve been quite nervous to receive coal in your stocking, this year it might not be so bad given our dependency on foreign energy.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Go vintage in 2011. All year, pretend it’s 1911. Wear silly hats.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): They say you should follow your dreams, but for the next month it will be wiser to follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): If you hear hooves scratching on your roof on Christmas Eve, do not be alarmed. It is probably just a few wayward goats from Al Johnson’s roof.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Be extra cautious on icy surfaces this week. Or, alternately, affix skates to your tires.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Take a good look in the mirror. Then take a good look at the person next to you. Yep, you’re a twin!

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): In times of need, remember that a gap-toothed smile is better than a too-full head of hair.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Wear green and red this holiday season – the two colors are not only festive, but they are also NFL neutral.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You expression says you’re guilty, but blame the dog for devouring the mashed potatoes. You can suck to the pooch with doggie treats later.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Your lucky holiday decoration is mistletoe.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): A trip to the podiatrist will end well this month, provided you can get that kicking habit under control.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): To make things more efficient, go ahead and declare that this year’s New Year’s resolution is to feel even guiltier about unfulfilled resolutions.