Article posted Wednesday, January 19, 2011 4:19pm

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Galaxies close to your own orbit will guide your steps. Stop your rumba lessons and join the disco revival, which will open new doors. The tall stranger at the bar might be that special person in your future.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): This celestial period should be a strong one for you. Your vegetables have all been harvested and Scand has agreed to take your wardrobe off your hands. Keep your cell phone charged as Donald Trump will be calling.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You will be contacted almost immediately by the producers of Extreme Makeover as you are a prime candidate for the regional crown. Get your relatives to put up the entry fee as they all want tickets to the spectacle.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Watch the heavens for signals that your recipe for watercress tart will be accepted by the Washington Island College of Cooking. Meanwhile, take down your Elvis posters and play holiday music for the throngs in your yard.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will be given the extremely rare opportunity in this cycle of planetary movements to choose either a root canal at the dentist or a two-hour discussion on quantum physics with Paris Hilton.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Go immediately to the bus station and put up photographs of your uncle on the public bulletin board. You will also have the opportunity to explain to your parole officer that your trips to Algoma were for educational purposes.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): A chance encounter with your palmist should be totally disregarded. You should continue to focus on the orbit of Jupiter and to only purchase lottery tickets from trusted relatives who will give you higher numbers.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Your aspirations will be fulfilled before the next full moon and most impediments to your entering the Lady Gaga look-a-like contest are being removed. Make arrangements now for someone to look after your canary.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Do not be dismayed by the tidal waves just off Jacksonport as your ship will come in, high or low water, with the sunken treasure revealed only to you in last month’s horoscope. This is a good time to remove the snow blocking the door to the house.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Send greetings now to everyone who has a timeshare week in Florida. The alignment of Venus and Mars indicates you will get an invitation to visit and until you know which person, stay on the good side of all.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Avoid left turns this celestial period. A large object in the snow bank outside your front entrance is not the dishwasher you were expecting. Attempt a more vigorous disco step at the Ellison Bay Dance Competition elimination round.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): This is your distinctive moment. Leave your combat boots at the car wash and double up on your lottery ticket purchases, as an enormous advantage is yours if you seize the opportunity.