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Article posted Wednesday, March 16, 2011 11:45am

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Maintain your courage in this less than tranquil period. There is clear evidence that the tattoo parlor will re-open in time for you to modify the current mess on your shoulders before the spring prom.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): This will be the celestial season for you to take up new dance steps. Meet your analyst at the nearest bus station to discuss this transformation of your future.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Your destiny is about to have clarification, and it will be in your best interest to follow the path of the constellation Orion to the horizon where you will find a new direction and also your missing golf clubs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Notice that the heavens seem to embrace your every move and that the force is with you. Seize this astronomical moment to paint your kitchen something other than orange and get a better brand of flea powder for the dog.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): You will have this entire cosmic period to smooth the ruffles that developed between you and the visiting relatives. Shovel the driveway as incentive for them to get the car out and head back to Arkansas.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Galactic forces will continue to fortify your decision to get most of your tattoos removed. Do not be swayed by the special two-for-one arm feature offers at local parlors and, instead, put your confidence in your therapist.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You will be selected from a field of two applicants to perform your specialty hula hoop gyration while stepping the Dykesville dance at the 2012 Super Bowl celebration.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): This horoscopic period is to be a test of your inner strength. You will pass this ordeal and emerge with new power and a far better wardrobe. Discard those polyester plaids. Get a new fry pan.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): No one will hold you back as Venus shines brightly in the northern sky. Look there for inspiration and pay no attention to that man behind the curtain. His last six forecasts have been total duds.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Concentrate all your energies on the future and get rid of those plaid jump suits. You will soon come into a substantial sum of hot money which should be used for worthwhile causes and not spent on frivolous binges.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Celestial signals will say to you – answer those phone messages from your lawyer now. Do not fear the unknown any longer. Call back and discover the terms which will turn out to be less disappointing than expected.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Your palmist, who disappeared in 2010, will reappear with solutions to your multitude of problems. Make an appointment promptly for this monumental meeting. Leave all pets at home as the palm reader has developed allergies.