Article posted Wednesday, May 11, 2011 2:37pm

Dear Miss Manners,

I’ve been invited to at least a dozen graduation parties in the near future. As I check into my bank account at this point in the season, it’s pretty slim. What is an appropriate amount of money to give a new grad? On that same note, how about the three weddings I’m obligated to attend this summer?

Not Miss Money Bags
Sister Bay, WI

Dear Not Miss Money Bags,

We are all starting to rack up the invites for the summer…graduation parties, engagement parties, weddings, baptisms, birthdays, Memorial Day barbecues. I’m not going to lie, it’s expensive to be well liked/loved. At the end of the day though, it’s not really about what you are obligated to give, it’s what you can realistically afford. This has always been a tough concept for me to grasp personally, just as it is for a lot of people. Who doesn’t want to shower their friends and family with gifts that they deserve (in most cases…)? It isn’t always possible to give as much as your heart wants. That’s just how it is.
Even though getting all of these invites ahead of time might seem overwhelming, it does help you prioritize and plan ahead. For example, of the 12 graduation invites, how many of those are you really “needing” to go to? Ask yourself if a card would be sufficient. Or a $10 gift certificate for the graduate’s favorite coffee place? If you are a teacher or a coach and get invited to parties for all your students, that would really add up. My high school science teacher showed up at my graduation party, ate some cake, had a couple of Miller Lites and left a funny card. That was perfect. My friends and I got a kick out of him just being there.
As far as the weddings, it’s hard to get away with just a card unless you are really in a tough spot financially. If so, maybe offer some of your talents. Are you really good at organizing? Offer a gift certificate with one day’s worth of work helping the new couple settle into their new home. Or, maybe you’re handy at landscaping and can plant perennials for them. That’s a gift that returns year after year. Gifts giving can also vary quite a bit depending on where you are from. I once went to a wedding in Iowa where I had to pay a $3 cover to get into the reception since the local town hall was attached to a bar. Needless to say, I didn’t feel pressure to give a $250 gift, especially since I had to cross back into the bar to get/buy a drink.
Whether you select a gift off of someone’s registry or not, it is a good idea to at least look at their registry to get a feel for their taste. You don’t want to give them a black lacquer modern vase if they’ve registered for a French country look. Don’t stress too much over this. I’m sure you’ll come up with something that your friends will like and won’t leave you eating Ramen noodles the rest of the summer.

Good luck,
Mary Pat