Gemini (May 21 – June 21): In the next celestial rotation you will discover the strength that you knew you had but could not unleash. Now, move forward into broad, sunlit uplands and discard the baggage that has held back your dream world.
Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Your star will lead and all distraction will be cast aside. This message will be repeated on the signboard at the Fish Creek bus station and reinforced by your palmist who has returned from a seminar on lottery strategies.
Leo (July 23 – August 22): Only you will be able to see the heavenly signs that point to the fountain of success. Do not let anything obscure your view and continue to make progress on the 43 remaining faults in your character.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Strange lights over Sturgeon Bay will eventually distillate into clear signals. Continue to look up as your destiny is linked to these illuminations. The sounds you hear are not from Sturgeon Bay, they come from your neighbor’s booyah bash.
Libra (September 23 – October 22): Will you experience joy this star-filled period? Will you see evidence that your aspirations will turn into expectations? Continue to read the horoscope in next month’s Pulse where all will be revealed.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Your past indiscretions will disappear in the strong vaporizing light from Venus with additional illumination from the Jacksonport Municipal Building. Now is the time to fertilize your radish garden.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): As the constellations advance in space, so should your ambitions. Draw strength from the stars and also from Double Bubble at a nearby gin mill. You are unstoppable, so secure those straps or lose the back bumper on your Buick.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Fortunetellers will be contacting you during this season of tranquility. Disregard their forecasts and maintain eye contact with your palmist who is guided by more reliable galaxies.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Powerful sub-currents will attempt to pull you off course this period. Remain vigilant and resourceful and resolute. This is no time to give up on your quest to be selected to “Dance with the Stars.”
Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Your horoscope for the summer of 2011 will be delayed due to transmission problems from outer space caused by volcanic eruptions in Iceland. Refer to the November 2003, issue 166 of the Peninsula Pulse for further information.
Aries (March 21 – April 19): Take charge in your kitchen and help stamp out French fries. This is the message the planets are sending to you this month. Both Venus and Pulaski signal that the time for you to procrastinate is ending as soon as you call your dentist.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20): The stars will align in your favor in just nine more days. Lengthen your stride, give the dog a bath and get a new battery for your Buick as, in the next horoscopical period, you will achieve the fulfillment of your expectations.