Article posted Thursday, June 30, 2011 9:56am

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Jupiter, Saturn and your regional palm reader all signal that you are destined for greater moments in the weeks ahead. Keep that twinkle in your eye and a firm hand on the wheel as you navigate through Fish Creek.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): A chance encounter with a famous person will unfold before you this month. Prepare by burning your current wardrobe and taking 15 pounds off your sagging body. The opportunity is worth the sacrifice.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You will be honored this celestial period and recognized as the person who has created the first soufflé to rise twice. Alert your relatives, most of whom believe you to be a complete failure.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Resist temptation and seek guidance from the astrologic community. There is strength in the stratosphere and beyond. Be suspicious of a sales person offering you imported brand name perfumes in gallon-sized containers.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Only during the lunar period about to begin will your true character manifest itself. You will find wealth, happiness and reduced prices on the adult beverage that has become a popular feature at your dining table.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): In this critical time, enter all local contests of talent, skill and dexterity. However, avoid cult behavior and test the water before wading out at the Jacksonport beach. You will be six months early for the Polar Bear Plunge.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): The threat that your astrological sign, your source of all strength and guidance, could be usurped by the imposter “Ophinchus” means grave danger could be your companion if this should occur. Call your town chairman for help.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): A tall, dark stranger wearing long pants will approach you in the days ahead. You should, without delay, seek to thwart possible evil by contacting your astrologer. Follow all instructions and read the label.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): The month, as Pluto rejoins the solar system you will have the opportunity to speak before an attentive audience. Say it loudly and with conviction, “Not guilty.”

Aries (March 21 – April 19): The past may try to repeat itself but you, armed with the guidance of the stars and new tires on your trusty Buick, can move forward. Your goal should be Dyckesville. Do not stop at Valmy.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Carefully consider your next course of commitment. All your astrological alternatives will be revealed this period and you will gain new perspective along with one additional inch of waistline.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): You will receive good news. Your lawyer has been indicted, your car has been found in the Ephraim wetlands complex and your relatives will not be visiting you due to parole complications.