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Article posted Tuesday, November 22, 2011 9:43am

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): You are very accident prone. This includes your frequent emotional nose dives. Band aids won’t help.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Start taking those yoga classes you’ve always wanted. They will help you with your tendencies toward self destruction and also your aches and pains.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): If we truly have two personalities we should be able to vote twice.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You tend to be very practical. But, you are fatalistic with your views of what’s going on around you. This only gives you an excuse for being lazy.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Are your clothes supposed to hide or reveal what’s underneath them? Think about this the next time you get dressed.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You have a tough time being honest. Watch the political television commercials and you won’t feel so isolated and misunderstood.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): You’ll be lucky if you can manage a one-night stand this month. If you do get lucky, it is strongly advised that you get rid of your partner before regret sets in.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Join the Y and learn to float. You will need this skill to survive the present economy.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Refrain from texting while driving. You won’t really miss it and you’ll stay on your side of the road. The bicyclists will appreciate it as well.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Keep away from mirrors. In fact, keep away from anything reflective, including toilet bowl water.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Learn moderation and get your balancing act together. This doesn’t mean you should start juggling those honey crisp apples.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): You feel your ideal partner is someone incredibly good looking and sexy. The problem is no one’s ideal partner is a Scorpio.