Article posted Tuesday, June 12, 2012 10:10am

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): A trip to the Post Office next Tuesday will prove fruitful, as a flyer in your mailbox with coupons for a pound of apples will keep the doctor away and save you pennies.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Your date with Destiny will not end up as you envision, especially since Destiny is an overweight Chihuahua.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): The celestial season will bring a bright light into the outer realm of your lunar awareness. To bring that light into your inner realm, try opening the blinds before 9 pm.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Puddles of ice cream are everywhere. Devour the deliciousness before it melts to help stave off this dilemma and other sticky situations.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): You will meet someone with the same first and last name next week. Instead of wondering why their parents would do that to them, ask yourself why your parents didn’t make things easier for you.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): The outrageous number of ducks flying through the sky will make you crave chicken for dinner. Don’t deny yourself the pleasure.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Try your knack at the auction circuit. Those fast talkers have nothing on you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Don’t take those three, rather large, dead flies as a sign of the apocalypse. The Mayans latest report brings favor to a lengthy future.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Your tissue sample will go on to prove valuable in a witches brew. Mixed with a dash of smoked squirrel heart and ink from a blue ballpoint you could be the answer to a lot of questions.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Clip into that safety line before you take the next leap in life.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): Singing in the shower should help clear up those vocal chords for an upcoming big moment on stage. Don’t be shy – belt it out!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You will have an encounter with the Stanley Cup – or another 35-pound trophy – that reawakens your competitive spirit.