Article posted Wednesday, June 27, 2012 11:31am

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): This period your fears will disappear, including the trepidation that moving a second story apartment to the first floor will alter your view of the universe. Remember, July is the month to air out your spring wardrobe.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): A chance encounter with a famous person will be your reward. It is written in the stars and confirmed by the note left for you on your refrigerator. Look for it just below the one which states that you do not need those extra calories.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): The alignment of Jupiter, Saturn and Earth signal to you that strength, courage and conviction will re-enter your future. Tell your parole officer that he or she will see positive re-inforcement of your behavior and that you will work on the drinking problem next.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): More good news is coming your way and a shift in our galactic position is also possible. This is the moment you have been waiting for, so seize upon this time to make amends with your neighbor and stop parking your car in his driveway when you come home with a load on.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): It is confirmed by the planets. Your discovery that the exact center of the universe is one mile west of Dykesville, Wisconsin will be recognized by the Astrologic Association of Fish Creek and you will be feted at their annual banquet to he held sometime in the future.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Warning. This is the celestial season to be cautious in all that you plan to undertake in the next fifteen months. Postpone the visit to your palm reader and do not accept any coupons from the man behind the curtain. Await further instructions.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You do not have to shoulder the concerns of our nation any longer. Look to the heavens for agreement that your burden has been lifted. Whether this includes getting your mooching relatives off the couch and out of the house has not been confirmed as of sundown today.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): If you feel strong vibrations in your kitchen at breakfast time, it may be the long awaited arrival of messages from the stars concerning your future plans or it may be your neighbor trying to get his 1988 Buick fired up for the morning commute.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): Do not despair if those pills to eliminate wrinkles do not show results as predicted by the solar flares we have experienced in recent months. Faulty forecasts from our planets may be the reason. Try taking a double dose as they may work on fat accumulation.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): You have been chosen by the committee on self-improvement to represent Door County. There will be two people on stage, one to show each side of the before-after posture and you have a clear path to portray the previous position.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Ringing in your ears is not due to any celestial activity this month. Tea leaves may help diagnose your difficulties but avoid looking into the northern sky as the aurora may stimulate your sub-conscious and also cause warts.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): The stars are sending signals to you but you are on the wrong frequency. Attempting to text Saturn will only result in getting faulty Facebook transmissions and will cause your dog to howl at all hours. Pick up the dry cleaning you took in last October, before they send it to Goodwill.