Article posted Wednesday, July 11, 2012 11:31am

Dear Mary Pat,

My husband and I have been married for eight years and we haven’t been able to have a child yet. As you can imagine, it is a private situation and it sometimes has us discouraged. It really doesn’t help when friends and family constantly ask about it. Our close friends and family know that we have been trying and are very respectful. It’s more the people we don’t see as much that make off-handed remarks like, “Hey! Aren’t you two ever going to have kids? What are you waiting for!” or “You can’t avoid it forever, you better get going!”

I know they don’t mean any harm, but it gets to be very wearing and adds to our stress. Is it polite to tell them that it’s none of their business?

Signed,

Hopeful

Dear Hopeful,

This topic can be touchy and a lot of good people with good intentions end up hurting others unknowingly. Many women have had to attend a baby shower after just miscarrying or see their friends have multiple babies while they are going through infertility treatment. You yourself know from personal experience how painful that must be. Since you can’t protect yourself from inappropriate comments, you’ll have to come back with something.

There are a couple of benign phrases you can use like, “oh, you never know” or “we’ll have to wait and see” that you can throw out there and then try to change the subject. Or, if you can go with a very direct approach and say that you are not comfortable talking about it.

If you keep in mind that they are curious about you and thinking of your happiness that should hopefully make it easier.

For those of you reading who like to toss baby questions around randomly, please keep in mind that it is better for a couple to introduce the subject first versus you inquiring about their plans for a family.

Good luck,

Mary Pat