An Outlook

These days, it is almost impossible to watch news coverage on television without being subjected to several commercials touting a prescription drug. Every ailment you have ever heard of, and a multitude of ailments you either never heard of or never realized were ailments, has some treatment available from some drug manufacturer or other, and all you have to do is “talk to your doctor about [fill in the drug name]” and you can potentially be on your way to a new and better you.

There is one thing about these commercials though that is rather unsettling. As you watch carefree individuals enjoying life on your television screen who – presumably – were suffering through their appointed ailment (and life) before taking the prescription drug being promoted, there is a voice over (that often lasts half the commercial’s length!) warning you of possible side effects or complications. I watch these commercials and invariably turn to Barb and wonder aloud, “Who in their right mind would take any of this crap?”

Well, maybe I’m the only one who listens closely to this portion of the drug commercials. Barb always tells me I pay way too much attention to commercials, generally, but come on – does any one really go into their doctor and ask for a prescription to one of these drugs? Obviously, the drug manufacturers must see some return on their advertising investment, but after you listen to the potential side effects you really need to ask yourself is any of these drugs are really going to improve your quality of life.

Well, because this paper comes out close to April Fool’s Day, and actually arrives in your mailbox and on newsstands on my 51st birthday, here’s a little quiz to test your knowledge of the potential side effects of various drugs. Most of these are prescription drugs, but I’ve also included two illegal drugs and one common drug that is found in many of our foods and beverages. Your job is to match the drug to its possible side effects. And please note, if you find yourself increasingly appalled as you work through this little exercise – congratulations! You should be appalled.

The following drugs match one of the list of side effects below. Good luck (I guess).

Lanoxin, Detrol, Lipitor, Cocaine, Celebrax, Marijuana, Wellbutrin, Caffeine, Zoloft

Drug A:

Side effects may include: Abdominal pain, agitation, anxiety, constipation, decreased sex drive, diarrhea or loose stools, difficulty with ejaculation, dizziness, dry mouth, fatigue, gas, headache, decreased appetite, increased sweating, indigestion, insomnia, nausea, nervousness, pain, rash, sleepiness, sore throat, tingling or pins and needles, tremor, vision problems, vomiting

Drug B:

Side effects may include: Abdominal pain, abnormal heartbeat, accidental injury, allergic reaction, arthritis, back pain, bronchitis, chest pain, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, flu symptoms, fluid retention, gas, headache, indigestion, infection, inflammation of sinus and nasal passages, insomnia, joint pain, muscle aching or weakness, nausea, rash, stomach pain, urinary tract infection, weakness

Drug C:

Side effects may include: Dizziness, irritability, nausea, nervousness, severe allergic reactions (rash, hives, itching, difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue), diarrhea, shakiness, trouble sleeping, vomiting

Drug D:

Side effects may include: Abdominal pain, diarrhea, headache, indigestion, nausea, respiratory infection, sinus inflammation

Drug E:

Side effects may include: changes in blood pressure, heart rates, breathing rate, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, loss of appetite, cold sweats, swelling and bleeding of mucous membranes, restlessness and anxiety, damage to lungs, possible heart attacks, strokes, or convulsions

Drug F:

Side effects may include: Abdominal pain, blurred vision, constipation, diarrhea, dizziness, drowsiness, dry eyes, dry mouth, fatigue, flu-like symptoms, headache, indigestion, vertigo

Drug G:

Side effects may include: Agitation, constipation, dizziness, dry mouth, excessive sweating, headache, nausea, vomiting, skin rash, sleep disturbances, tremors

Drug H:

Side effects may include: Apathy, blurred vision, breast development in males, change in heartbeat, confusion, diarrhea, dizziness, headache, loss of appetite, lower stomach pain, nausea, psychosis, rash, vomiting, weakness, yellow vision

Drug I:

Side effects may include: Tremors, nausea, headache, decreased coordination, breathing problems, increased appetite, reduced blood flow to the brain, changes in the reproductive organs

Answers:

A is Zoloft (for depression)

B is Lipitor (lowers cholesterol)

C is Caffeine (Steve’s life blood)

D is Celebrex (acute pain/arthritis)

E is Cocaine (illegal)

F is Detrol (overactive bladder)

G is Wellbutrin (major depression)

H is Lanoxin (congestive heart failure)

I is Marijuana (illegal)