CCR: Domestic Violence and Bullying Are Connected

by KARLA ROMERO, Youth Advocate, HELP of Door County

This article is brought to you in part by the Door County Coordinated Community Response (CCR) to Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Teams and the Door County Elder and Adult-at-Risk Interdisciplinary Team.

By the time you read this, September will be gone and another school year will be well underway. October is here, and October is Domestic Violence Awareness and Bullying Prevention Month. 

What do domestic violence and bullying have in common? Well, if you think about it, domestic violence and bullying both involve the use – or, rather, abuse – of power and control and the unhealthiness of relationships. The tactics used to exert power and control include engaging in verbal and emotional abuse and/or using status, privilege, threats, coercion, isolation and more. 

People may say, “Oh, it’s just kids being kids,” but are they really just being kids? Have we taken the time to find out why our kids are picking on or making jokes about others? Why is it OK to let this behavior continue – to be complicit?  

We may forget that bullying is learned behavior, and, if not dealt with, it can result in unhealthy relationships that lead to teen dating violence and eventually to domestic violence. It’s a vicious cycle. When will it be enough? When will it end? 

Today more than ever, our youth have many stressors. They deal with a lot – academics, sports, clubs, grades, friends, relationships and more! They are having to grow up so fast and are worrying about unwanted behavior at school and the pressure to do some things that they do not consent to. Some of our youth come from unloving homes, unhealthful environments, unsafe spaces. Can you imagine being afraid to be at home and/or afraid to go to school because a bully, abusive partner or family member is there?

I’m not saying these concerns are the same for all of our youth, but we often fail to check in with them and ask, “Are you OK? What’s going on? How can I help you?” It’s important that we ask in a way that makes them feel heard and in a space where they have our undivided attention. We want our youth to know that their presence matters and that their voices are heard. The youth now are the same youth we will count on in the future as we age. We need our youth at the table.

It’s important to provide a space for youth where they feel safe to talk about what they’re going through without being judged. Domestic Violence and Bullying Prevention Month is a great time to keep learning, to speak out and to provide support to those in need.