Coordinated Community Response

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. First legislated in 1989 by the U.S. Congress, it serves to heighten awareness of battered adults and their children. Wearing or displaying a purple ribbon this October identifies individuals and businesses that publicly acknowledge the existence of domestic violence and are willing to work towards positive change. HELP of Door County (920.743.8818) is at the forefront of such efforts.

Domestic violence – its causes and consequences – are complicated and varied but all involve one intimate partner’s (or family member’s) willful physical and emotional intimidation over another. Most but not all victims of domestic violence are women. Experts agree that 85 – 95 percent of domestic violence victims are women. According to the Center for Disease Control, one in four women, and one in ten men, has experienced domestic violence (2008 survey). Domestic violence remains the leading cause of injury to women. The statistics show that domestic violence exists, even in Door County. Statistics also show that most men are not batterers.

Batterers use purposefully manipulative techniques to control a partner or family member. Batterers don’t simply have an anger management problem, although displays of anger are part of the mix. Rather, they need to feel in control by gaining complete control of another. Though it may surprise some, abusive men do not typically act “out of control.” Rather, they are calm and reasonable in public, at work, and with the police. Batterers feel entitled to special status and consider their actions blameless. They tend to abuse more than one woman, as they move through different relationships (Missouri Coalition of Domestic and Sexual Violence Web site).

Victims, on the other hand, often appear anything but calm, especially while living within the framework of an abusive relationship. Like offenders, they come from all cultural and economic backgrounds. But unlike offenders, they strive endlessly to “keep the peace” and “do things right this time.” A woman’s effort to avoid escalation of violence and abuse, especially with children in the home, takes incredible effort and savvy. It is, frankly, exhausting. She knows that if she leaves the abuser she faces a period of increased danger. Physical danger increases when a woman is separating from an abuser. She also knows, given the current state of Wisconsin family law, she will most likely be awarded physical custody 50 percent of the time or less – and so, she will not be present when the children and the batterer are together.

A batterer who files for custody will frequently win “as he has numerous advantages over his partner in custody litigation. These include, 1) his typical ability to afford better representation (often while simultaneously insisting that he has no money with which to pay child support), 2) his marked advantage over his victim in psychological testing, since she is the one who has been traumatized by the abuse, 3) his ability to manipulate custody evaluators to be sympathetic to him, and 4) his ability to manipulate and intimidate the children regarding their statements to the custody evaluator. There is also evidence that gender bias in family courts works to the batterer’s advantage.” (Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court Gender Bias Study from “Understanding the Batterer In Custody and Visitation Disputes” by R. Lundy Bancroft at http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org.)

How can we measure such a human cost where domestic violence is concerned? We can’t. We can, strangely enough, quantify the cost to our community. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the cost to employers nationwide annually is $3 – 5 billion dollars, with $900 million in lost productivity. Victims of intimate partner violence lose nearly 8 million days of paid work each year, the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs. In a 2004 survey, 56 percent of victims reported being late for work because of a domestic violence incident, 28 percent reported missing entire days of work, and 74 percent reported being harassed at work by their abuser. Work performance of batterers was impacted, too, with 42 percent reporting being late to work and 48 percent reporting difficulty concentrating. Three-quarters of this group used workplace resources at least once to threaten or express anger towards the victim. (Maine Department of Labor and Family Crisis Services Study, 2004).

Businesses may be liable, too. Occupational safety and health laws require employers to maintain a safe workplace, and family and medical leave laws may require businesses to provide job accommodations for a victim of domestic violence. In some cases, unemployment compensation insurance laws classify domestic violence as “good cause.” In short, it is the business of any business to do something about domestic violence. The price of doing nothing just isn’t smart.

To find out more, visit http://www.caepv.org, the Web site of the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence. Consider inviting a trained advocate from HELP, Door County’s local domestic violence agency, to speak with your employees and managers. And, financially support the work of HELP as it strives to create more peaceful homes in Door County. Contact Director Barb Maskell at 920-743-8818 today. Your gift may be targeted towards legal advocacy, the children’s program, or the very real cost of running an agency whose mission is positive change in your community. Meanwhile if you are in an abusive relationship, know you’re not alone. Now is time to take the first step – no matter how small – towards a different future. Call HELP at 920.743.8818.

This article is brought to you in part by the Door County Coordinated Community Response (CCR) to Domestic Violence Team.