Door County Civility Project: Always Seek and Find Common Ground

by ORLAINE I. GABERT

Much of the communication we hear in today’s world is either/or, with nothing falling in between. There is Republican/Democrat, liberal/conservative, north/south, democracy/socialism, rich/poor, male/female, Packers/Bears and more. Take your choice.

Rationally, this leads us to believe that one is right and the other is wrong, and emotionally, this leaves us with many negative feelings. 

The first is fear. Are we making the right choice? What will happen to us if we do not choose the side that has the power? 

Anger comes next. Wanting to be right, we want everyone to be on our side. Consequently, we can become willing to do anything to have things go our way. 

Third, we’re dissatisfied as, continually, nothing gets done. Governments, institutions and individuals simply cast blame on each other and sometimes even become violent.

The sixth tool of civility is Be Agreeable, which reminds us that all issues and problems have many aspects and options to consider before a solution can be found. Rather than beginning the discussion with your opinion about what to do, start by looking fully at the issue with others and identifying common ground – the aspects that all can agree to. 

Now you have set the stage with everyone ready for an amiable discussion rather than an adversarial one. All are open to hear the various options, and discussion can ensue to consider the pros and cons for every suggestion. 

Next, a decision – often called a compromise – can be made that will benefit all. Fear, anger and dissatisfaction have been eliminated, and peace and satisfaction are the result.

Being agreeable creates a civil environment for seeking an agreeable outcome.