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Ellie’s Lesson in Faith

A contingent of the Bicoy clan at Elliana’ Garden. (Left to right), Bret Jr., Malia, Nalani, Kekoa and David Bicoy.

Much to the chagrin of my wife, I am not a church-going man. I work in the world of charity and do His work all week long. So I’ve always assumed He wouldn’t mind if I took an hour off on Sunday.

But please don’t equate my lack of faith in the religions of man with a lack of faith in Him. The events of my life have caused me to believe in Him more today than I ever did attending Sunday school all those many years ago.

Faith is a funny thing. Faith is a belief that is not based on proof. Faith is believing without seeing. When distilled to its very essence, faith is nothing more than a choice. I choose to believe in Him.

What a wonderful gift that is. The power to choose for ourselves.

He has given us intelligence and an awareness of our being. He has filled us with a heart and soul to be our moral compass. He has given us each other so that we may love and support one another. And He has shown us His teachings and an example that we may follow.

But most of all He has given us the power to choose what we are to do with all these blessings. We can choose to learn from His character or we can choose to ignore it. These thoughts have been much on my mind lately as I think of how people react to unimaginably difficult circumstances.

On September 12, I attended the dedication and ribbon cutting of Elliana’s Garden, a children’s memorial, in Pamperin Park on the edge of Green Bay.

Elliana Zaidel, or Ellie as she was known to her family, was sitting in her grandparent’s living room just a few days before her second birthday. Her grandfather was leaving to go to a meeting and he waved goodbye to her as he headed out the door. Ellie’s grandmother went into the bedroom to get a blanket so she could cuddle with Ellie on the couch.

Then Ellie did something she had never done before in her short two years of life. She opened the door all by herself. Ellie wanted to ride in the car with the grandfather she loved so dearly.

And so it was on July 13, 2007 that Ellie left this world in a tragic car accident in her grandparent’s driveway.

Life would be so much easier if He didn’t give us the power to choose how we react to the most fundamentally unfair aspects of life. We wouldn’t have to take back the words we chose while still overwhelmed with anger and sorrow. Nor would our faith ever be shaken as we have to confront the question as to whether we still choose to believe in Him.

But that’s not how life really is. He has left the choices to us. No matter how hard they may be.

What is so remarkable to me is how Ellie’s immediate family chose to react to their terrible tragedy.

Rather than assign blame, Ellie’s parents shared forgiveness with everyone involved. Rather than throw accusations, they held on to their family with love.

After 20 years of working in philanthropy in one form another, I am convinced that nothing heals more than the power of giving. And I don’t mean just the giving of one’s money. I mean the giving of one’s self to another.

By giving of our love, from that which brings us pain, we can begin to draw some comfort. By sharing of our friendship, the cause of our frustrations can become the source of our tranquility. Our restlessness is replaced with calm. Our anger gives way to peace.

Ellie’s family was so embraced by their friends and neighbors that they wanted to create a place where all families who’ve lost a child too soon could find some solace. So they created Elliana’s Garden within Pamperin Park in Brown County. It’s on the far side of the bridge near the main park pavilion. It’s a butterfly garden designed for reflection and remembrance.

The great author Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote some 150 years ago, “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond our grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon us.”

Elliana’s Garden was created to be a place of healing and peace. When spring comes and the garden blooms, it will remind us that it’s our choice as to whether we see all the beauty, joy and love that still is in this world. And maybe if we sit quietly in Elliana’s Garden, just like Hawthorne’s mythical place, that butterfly of happiness will find her way home.

To see pictures of Elliana’s Garden, visit http://www.elliesfund.org.

Bret Bicoy is President & CEO of the Door County Community Foundation. In 2008, he and his wife Cari returned to Wisconsin to raise their children six children in the community they love. Contact him at [email protected].