Horiscopes

Aries (March 21 – April 19): It’s time to check and see just how wisely you are spending your hard earned money. If your paper towels don’t absorb twice as much as the bargain brand, then it’s time for an upgrade.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Current economical conditions will stop people from bullying their way into buying you dinner or a cocktail. This trend will make socializing much more efficient. It’s going to be every man for himself! You’ll be able to control who you dine with and you’ll be home much earlier than usual. Just realize you’ll be spending a lot more of your own money.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): People will be expecting more from you in this economy and you’ll find it harder to actually give more. Explain to them that less is more if they really think about it. Then turn your Ipod volume up and pretend you’re busy.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): Doodling during boring lectures or meetings has just been proven to increase your memory. This is great news for you! Doodle away and don’t be shy. Get a bigger piece of paper. Doodling also prevents daydreaming so you’re covered on all counts. Yipee!

Leo (July 23 – August 22): It’s time to embrace the practical and reject luxuries. With practice you can learn to live with the bare essentials. No one else has to know that you turn your undergarments inside out to eke out another day (or even two).

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Laughter is good medicine. Start by laughing at yourself and the rest will follow easily. Laughter is contagious so keep your sense of humor as people will most likely be laughing at you and not with you.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Just because you hid Brussels sprouts under the cheese on the pizza does not mean they will be eaten. Brussels sprouts are not essential to a healthy life. Even the dog won’t eat them so dropping them on the floor is a waste of time.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Having expectations is okay. Just don’t expect something specific to happen and you won’t be disappointed.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Car dealers are offering so many tempting incentives for making a purchase. Don’t spend too much time justifying why you could use a new vehicle. If it won’t change your life for the better, in ways that matter, don’t do it. If you’re still walking, that’s a different story.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): Again, change is inevitable so don’t fight it. Save those pennies as they will turn into dimes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): It’s time for spring cleaning. You haven’t done this since the spring of 2005 so you’re sure to find something you thought was long ago lost. It may just be a slightly used box of dried up wipes, but you’re working on having less expectations and appreciating the simple things.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): You’ve heard the expression, “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.” What exactly are you doing by grabbing the person who just gave you a gift and insisting on seeing their tonsils or cavities before saying thank you? “Never approach a horse from the rear”…now, that makes sense and is something you’ll want to remember.