It Is, But It Isn’t

“Write what you know.” That’s what they always say. Well, this might be pushing it.

Rebecca Livengood – writer, actor and director and of ‘June Falling Down’ – in a scene from the movie.

In about five hours my family cottage in Baileys Harbor (where I write to you now) will suddenly become a movie set. Instead of my real family, Claire Morkin (a talented Door County actress known for her work at Third Avenue Playhouse) will become my onscreen mother and Evan Board (17 years old and a great actor, from Gibraltar High School) will become my brother. The cottage will remain almost entirely the same and my (real life) dog, Finn, will take on the role of “Jerry,” the family dog in the movie.

The lines between fact and fiction, real life and art, are a little blurry lately with this movie I’m directing this summer, June Falling Down (a working title). The way I tend to think about it is, “Well, it is but it isn’t.” Let me explain.

I wrote this movie, and I’m also directing it and playing the lead role of “June.” June has come home to Wisconsin from California for her best friend’s wedding. I am Rebecca, home to Wisconsin from California to direct a movie at my house (and elsewhere in Door County). June is still reeling over the loss of her father one year prior. My own father passed away five and a half years ago now. Like June, my father died from cancer – and my world was turned upside down as well in grieving.

Claire Morkin in a scene from ‘June Falling Down.’

There are other similarities, such as June’s mother, Kathy, being interested in alternative healing through green juices, Reiki, and meditation – much like my own mother and myself. June is a painter, a path I have explored on and off for years (though film has taken hold of me for now). June’s best friend is getting married, an experience I’ve gone through too.

But here’s the deal: where there are thousands of similarities between this “movie life” and “real life” there are also thousands of differences. Places where I’ve stretched the narrative into a heightened drama, combined stories and added experiences I’ve never had – that’s the fun of writing. Real life is a starting point, but you get to create a new world with that material.

You see, it is but it isn’t like my life. My brother in the movie is much more similar to me with his quiet disposition than my real life brother who is one of the loudest people I know. June herself is, I hope, very different from me in real life. She’s pushy and outspoken and at times pretty rude (of course, it’s fun to play a character like that). She’s the hero and villain. And the truth is, we all play those opposing parts in our own lives.

A question that comes up lately tends to circle around, “What’s it like to make a movie about something so close to your own experience, like the loss of your father?” The answer surprises even me: The most difficult thing about making a movie about losing a father is…making a movie.

This is not meant to sound cold – remember, with this movie, it is but it isn’t. My own dad passed away over five years ago. That has not left me. The memories are constant. But I’m not recreating anyone in this movie, and that includes my father. Of course – I never could.

When it comes down to it – I know how to tell a story like my own, but telling my own story would be impossible. And furthermore, my dad was too big of a person – with his depth, his humor, his kindness – to be a character in a movie. That’s why my filmmaking partner Chris Irwin and I are focused on the emotional truth of the movie, scene by scene (not a real-life remembered truth). And that’s what all of our incredible actors are focused on, as well as bringing their own unique qualities to the story.

And, believe it or not, the hardest part right now for me is not acting – but making sure the camera is in the right place and that the actors are well-lit and that there’s food for the cast and crew. There are a million details to set into place before I fix my own hair and costume, check up on my lines, and figure out my character’s emotional state and motivations. Who knew?

Finally, we’re filming the majority of this movie in Door County, but it’s never once announced as such in the movie. It’s just somewhere around Green Bay. Again, it is but it isn’t. Door County is so many things to so many people. Countless artists have written about it, painted it, created musicals and songs based on it. There’s something nice about a little mystery this time around. After all, I can’t speak for Door County. That’s a lot of responsibility. I can only create a story that’s set here. Here, but not here.

(Left to right) Joanna Becker, Nick Hoover and Elliot Goettelman in a scene from ‘June Falling Down.’

This is just one movie, one perspective. It’s my house, but it’s June’s house. It’s my family, but it’s a group of amazing actors. It’s old friends, but actually new friends acting in a movie with me. It’s cancer, but it’s not – it’s make believe. It’s drama but between takes we have some cookies or afterward go out for beers and hang out. It’s romantic lighting at Northern Grill, or AC Tap or Town Hall Bakery – but really there’s a huge lighting rig above our actors’ heads during the entire scene. It’s all for show – but we’re making it as truthful as possible. It is, but it isn’t.

But the fun you’ll see onscreen when this movie somehow makes its way out into the world – that was real. I love this cast and our amazing crew. And I can’t wait to get back to shooting.

Rebecca Livengood is the writer-director of June Falling Down. The movie will continue shooting through early August and will pick up for one week of September. This ultra low-budget production is also currently seeking donations. Visit silverleaffilms.net for more information on the movie as well as the prizes available for contributions.