It is almost the one year anniversary of your historic, unbelievable, totally incredible, and very, very, very good election to President of the United States, a role you were born to play, and I wanted to take a moment to congratulate you for almost being the leader you said you were going to be during the campaign. Your list of “almost” accomplishments is almost impressive, Sir. Just consider:
You almost passed health care reform.
You almost defeated ISIS.
You almost brought about immigration reform.
You almost solved the North Korea “problem.”
You almost “drained the swamp” that is Washington politics.
You almost uncovered the voter fraud that cost you millions of votes in the election.
You almost nailed that arch-villainess Hillary for crimes too numerous to enumerate.
You almost saved Puerto Rico.
You almost brought lasting peace to the Middle East.
You almost ended rampant gun violence in our cities.
You almost healed the country’s festering racial wounds.
You almost fixed that hitch in your backswing.
And all this in the first year!
Oh, and now you and your good friends in the Republican Congress are almost through with a tax code overhaul that will be like Christmastime on steroids for those downtrodden and destitute Americans like Charles and David Koch, and for companies like the Trump Organization and Exxon/Mobil, who have been unfairly excluded from the fruits of the U.S. economy for too long. As you know, Sir, it is almost impossible to thrive having to almost pay taxes on income and profits. A billion just doesn’t buy you as much in this rigged global economy as it used to.
Anyway, Sir, keep up the good work. At the rate you’re going, America will be “great again” in almost no time at all.
Sturgeon Bay, Wis.