Letter to the Editor: October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

During October – National Domestic Violence Awareness Month – HELP of Door County invites area residents to learn more about domestic abuse. Last year, 73 people in Wisconsin lost their lives to domestic violence – that’s one death every five days. One in four women will be the victim of domestic violence at some point in her lifetime. On average, 24 people per minute are victims of rape, physical violence or stalking by an intimate partner in the U.S., according to The National Domestic Violence Hotline. That’s more than 12 million women and men a year – roughly the population of Pennsylvania.

People who have never been abused often wonder why a person wouldn’t just leave an abusive relationship. Common reasons why people stay are:

Fear:  A person may be afraid of what will happen if they decide to leave.

Believing Abuse is Normal:  A person may not know what a healthy relationship looks like – perhaps from growing up in an environment where abuse was common.

Fear of Being Outed:  If someone is in an LGBTQ relationship and has not yet come out to everyone, their partner may threaten to reveal this secret.

Embarrassment or Shame:  It is often difficult for someone to admit that they have been abused. They may feel they have done something wrong by becoming involved with an abusive partner. They may also worry that their friends and family will judge them.

Low Self-Esteem:  When an abusive partner constantly puts someone down and blames them for the abuse, it can be easy for the victim to believe those statements and think that the abuse is their fault.

Love:  Often, the victim feels love for their abusive partner. They may have children with them and want to maintain their family. Abusive people can often be charming, especially at the beginning of a relationship and the victim may hope that their partner will go back to being that person. They may only want the violence to stop – not for the relationship to end entirely.

Cultural/Religious Reasons:  Traditional gender roles supported by someone’s culture or religion may influence them to stay rather than end the relationship for fear of bringing shame upon their family.

Language Barriers/Immigration Status:  If a person is undocumented, they may fear that reporting the abuse will affect their immigration status. Also, if their first language is not English, it can be difficult to express the depth of their situation to others.

Lack of Money/Resources:  Financial abuse is common, and a victim may be financially dependent on their abusive partner. Without money, access to resources or even a place to go, it can seem impossible for them to leave the relationship. This feeling of helplessness can be especially strong if the person lives with their abusive partner.

Disability: When someone is physically dependent on their abusive partner, they can feel that their well-being is connected to the relationship.

Leaving is often the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse, because abuse is about power and control. When a victim leaves, they are taking control and threatening the abusive partner’s power, which could cause the abusive partner to retaliate in very destructive ways.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is an opportunity to bring more community members into the fold of supporting survivors and creating a more peaceful future. This Oct. 25, HELP of Door County will honor and remember the survivors of domestic abuse at 4 pm at Martin Park in Sturgeon Bay where you can join our annual “Walk With Me” event over the Oregon Street Bridge to Madison Street and over the Steel Bridge.

If you or someone you love is in immediate danger, please call 911 or call HELP of Door County at 920.743.8785 or 800.91.HELP.1. To learn more visit helpofdoorcounty.org.

Steve Vickman, Executive Director, HELP of Door County

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.