Mr. President, You’ve done it again! (And might I add, Sir, “brilliantly?”) You’ve changed the subject from the depressing (How does the country move forward in the aftermath of another deadly school shooting without NRA approval?) to the truly inspiring – your solutions to improving school safety and thwarting mentally deranged criminals.
One involves an idea that has been bandied about following other school shootings (can’t quite remember which ones): arming teachers in the schools. This idea doesn’t seem very popular, and it might not be very practical either. I remember some of my teachers from school, and it’s hard for me to imagine Mrs. Kehoe, one of my favorites, strapping on a holster over her floral print dress or storing an assault rifle in the classroom closet where she kept construction paper and crayons. Not to say, Sir, that she couldn’t be that crack crime fighter who would (how did you so eloquently put it?) “shoot the hell out of that guy” if some killer ever did come calling to threaten her students, but I just can’t imagine her doing it, no matter how hard I try.
No, your other idea is better, I think. You. You do it. As you said, Sir, in a recent speech following the Parkland massacre, you wouldn’t hesitate to rush towards the sounds of gunshots to confront the shooter, even if you had no weapon. This is Superhero stuff, Mr. President. That is Captain America, Iron Man, and Superman material. This is (Dare I say it? Dare I dream?) you becoming one of Marvel’s most revered, the D.C. dynamo that we Americans elected to protect us, fulfilling your destiny to become the greatest comic book president of all time!
The way I see it, Sir, you convert the Oval Office into your own superhero sanctum and wait for the call. When the next maniac with an assault weapon attacks a school, you leap aboard Air Force One, zip to the scene, and, with a fanfare of dramatic music welling behind you, take down the shooter, restoring peace and ensuring justice. Talk about making America great again! Audiences will love it!
Donald Trump: America’s very own “Orange Avenger.” Let the Fake News media choke on that, Mr. President!
Sturgeon Bay, Wis.