Letter to the Editor: Three-dimensional, Philosophical Semiotics

Mr. President,

As one of your “Deplorables,” out here in “Real America,” fighting to defend your honor and integrity against all the “Fake Americans” who only want to criticize you for sometimes stretching the truth just a teensy bit, I thought maybe I could offer a worthwhile observation that would help all Americans understand your unique brand of genius. After all, Sir, one of the bigliest problems of being a genius, as you well know being a self-admitted one, is making yourself understood by all the non-geniuses in the world, which is just about everybody else alive but you, Sir.

Anyway, I know you have recently been called out by the “lamestream media” for getting caught in what appears to be another big lie – to wit, the revelations that you fully intended to fire the special counsel investigating your campaign’s cozy ties to Russia back in June of last year because Mr. Mueller wouldn’t accept your word that there was nothing to investigate, even though you have continually assured the country that you never considered or discussed such a thing, least of all with your personal lawyer who very well might be the source of this information from meetings you had with him in which you directed him to figure out a way to fire Mueller without anybody knowing you were behind it.

Such a tangled web we weave, am I right, Mr. President? You have (justifiably, I assert) labeled the reports more “fake news” without actually denying the reports, which, of course, is further evidence of your genius. Who but you could lie and then label the reports of your lie “fake” because now that your lie has been revealed, it can’t be a lie anymore, it has to be true, so labeling it a lie is in itself a lie? This is some serious three-dimensional, philosophical semiotics, Sir, which is why you are what you are and the rest of us are merely the grass that get the honor of being stepped on by you as you play through, making America great again on the golf course that is your life. Respectfully,

Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.