LETTER TO THE EDITOR: A Path to Normalcy

With the court decision striking down Gov. Evers’ directives, communities are looking for guidance about how to safely reopen. A few modifications to the protocol we followed during the oil embargo of the Carter administration may offer some answers.

Healthy families whose last name begins with A-M may attend school, shop and go to work on Mondays and Thursdays. Healthy families whose last name begins with N-Z may do the same on Tuesdays and Fridays. Those older than 60 and those with comorbid conditions may leave home on Wednesdays, thus being able to take advantage of the senior discount at Pick ’n Save. This also allows them additional time at home to police neighbors who are disregarding the directives.

Weekend liberties would also be allocated, but according to age. The elderly and at-risk would be allocated the early-bird time slot to take advantage of Friday-night fish fries. Unfortunately, this would mean a limit of one old-fashioned to ensure that they do not exceed the legal limits on the drive home.
Families would eat during the 6-6:30 pm slot. We all know that children can barely sit for a half hour, and teenagers dread being seen with their families, so this should be adequate time to enjoy their meal. No more than two children per family would be allowed, though. It’s been shown that children are walking germ factories, and more than two per family goes against the tenets of the Green New Deal. 

Legal adults would then be allowed the remainder of the evening to enjoy bars and restaurants, as long as they adhere to strict social-distancing regulations.

Saturdays would be open to any family (with fewer than 10 members) to enjoy the outdoors – except at playgrounds, and they must all wear masks, and they can’t walk closer than six feet of one another, and they must carry a gallon jug of Purell at all times. Enjoy!

Sundays would be left for all of us to pray that we get through this with our health, sanity and humor intact.

Kathy Saladin

Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin