Letter to the Editor: Loyal Trumpublicans, Let’s Boycott!

Mr. President,

This upcoming mid-term election poses an existential threat to the TrumpAmerican way of life. From all indicators and polls, a “blue wave” is rising that will result in your party (formerly Republican, now gloriously Trumpublican!) getting swept from the House and maybe even the Senate. Yikes! The thought of no longer listening to Mitch McConnell lecture the Senate on C-SPAN, even if sometimes he sounds like a cat coughing up hairballs, is downright distressing. And witnessing the indignity of some progressive Democrat, maybe even that Wicked Witch of the West Nancy Pelosi, wield the Speaker’s gavel again is frankly frightening! Of course, we know what the reason for such an outcome will be, don’t we, Sir – a rigged election!

As you’ve pointed out numerous times, our elections are rigged – at least, when you don’t win, they are (in which case, they might be rigged but rigged for the right reasons, right, Sir?) What I propose is a preemptive plan to discredit this impending mid-term disaster by showing the world this “rigged” election for what it is. To do that, we boycott! All loyal Trumpublicans should avoid the polls on election day with the same dedication Donald, Jr., has in avoiding good judgment. Let the Democrats score huge election-night victories – the more, the better! Let their candidates rack up embarrassing, lopsided percentages in the ’70s, ’80s, and ’90s – just like we see in sham elections in countries like Venezuela and Iran. The legitimacy of the results will be immediately questioned by true champions of democracy the world over, including your bestest buddies Vlad and Kim, and you will be hailed as a martyr to your own cause. So essentially, Sir, you win by losing! What could be better than that?

Then you, Mr. President, on November 7 will be able to righteously tell the mockers and the know-it-all’s you “told them so,” that the 2018 “rigged” election proves Obama’s Deep State conspiracy has stacked the deck against you with more phony witch hunts and bogus investigations than Mike Pence can say grace over. But, conversely, it also proves once again, as if proof is even necessary anymore, that your amazing win was the greatest Presidential victory of all time – making you the Greatest President of all time – because only you are capable of winning a rigged election! See where I’m going with this?

Sadly, Sir, as we now know, 2016 was just a first step in restoring America to its former glory. But a boycott by your worshipful supporters this mid-term will be the necessary second step in making this country truly great again, I guarantee it!


Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.

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