Letter to the Editor: Return to Sender

Mr. President: I apologize for not having written in awhile. I know how much you need lavish praise about the very, very stupendous job you are doing making America not only great again but free to hate again, especially those “other” Americans who disagree with you and your “policy for profit” administration. I’ve heard some people (those anti-American Americans who don’t belong here, right, Sir?) question the corruption and ethical lapses of many of your closest cabinet members and family. But what’s more American than corruption?

That’s why you, Sir, are the first truly American president in history, and our most morally immoral. “God helps them who help themselves – to whatever isn’t nailed down or locked away”: that should be the country’s new motto! And you live it every day, a shining orange beacon of greed and gluttony setting an example that inspires millions of your supporters.

This latest dust-up with “the Squad,” those four nasty Congresswomen who believe you are bad for the country, only underscores my point. You have been cruelly called a “racist” just because you tweeted they should go back to the hell-holes from which they came: New York, Michigan, Massachusetts, and Somalia – four of the most dysfunctional countries in the world no sane person would ever choose to visit, let alone live in!

As you rightly claimed, Sir, there’s not a racist bone in your body. And you would know since they are, after all, your bones! A brilliant rebuttal if ever I heard one, as irrefutable in its logic as the other rejoinder you used against that turncoat Michael Cohen: the “I’m rubber and you’re glue; everything bounces off of me and sticks to you,” defense which your new personal attorney AG William Barr has codified into law.

Anyway, Sir, after you do send back the “others” from whence they came, can I get some of what they had? Those social services you say they’ve stolen from us “real” Americans? Not that I’m complaining, but after your tax overhaul and tariff war, I could really use some help getting by.

Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin