Letter to the Editor: The Second Coming (Term)

Mr. President: Or should I say, Mr. Messiah? All this talk about you being “The Chosen One,” and Mrs. Sheldon Adelson calling for an amended Bible with a “Book of Trump” included, and evangelicals across the country pounding pulpits heralding you as the new King Cyrus (not sure whether that means you’re related to Billy Ray and Miley, Sir, but you know how tangled family trees are in the Good Book) has got me thinking: Couldn’t you call on some “divine intervention” to assure that the nation’s most beloved political leader (that’s you, Sir, as you know) will be returned to the White House to continue his good works spreading love and kindness and charitable tax rates to rich, white Americans the world over, Greenland excluded?

Couldn’t your benevolent mentor above (and I don’t mean Vlad, Mr. President, if that’s who you’re thinking) use a fraction of His celestial powers to grant you the serenity of a 40-state electoral landslide if you so asked? As a mere mortal and devoted deplorable of limited imagination, I’m not sure of the protocol amongst you demigods and demagogues as to how to go about guaranteeing a fairly rigged election. How did it work in 2016?

Of course, the Democrats – being the party of nasty women and unmanly men that they are, and traitors to this glorious country that you are making great again in your very own image, one tariff and tweet at a time – will cry foul. They might even convene another special counsel to investigate if the Almighty intercedes on your behalf, but I say let them! Let’s see whether their subpoenas are answered any quicker than their prayers!

Now that you are acknowledged, Sir, by most reputable sources (Sean Hannity, Judge Jeanine, Franklin Graham, Fox & Friends) as a living deity, I hope you will bestow upon your loyal worshippers the munificence of your genius and maybe pass one law that will keep us safe from armed maniacs or lead-infused drinking water. Because if you can’t do it, Holy Trump, who can?

Mike Orlock

Sturgeon Bay, Wisconsin