Manners Matter

Dear Mary Pat,

I am embarrassed by my friend’s behavior and don’t know how to approach her. Whenever we go shopping, she whispers to me in the middle of a store. It’s not so bad when we are in a large department store with tons of other people around; however, it’s usually in small boutiques, and I think it’s very rude. I’ve noticed a couple of raised eyebrows from the shop keepers, but my friend is oblivious. She is usually complaining about prices since she’s a cheap skate on top of everything else. How do I tell her to knock it off?

Signed,

Hear No Evil

Sister Bay, WI

Dear Hear No Evil,

I agree with you. Your friend is being rude. It is never polite to whisper in front of someone, stranger or not. The reason you have seen a couple of raised eyebrows is most likely due to the fact that the shop keepers have a good idea that they, or their merchandise, are being talked about. Even if they don’t know what’s exactly what’s being said, they can assume it’s probably not favorable. Most people don’t whisper praise. For all the shop keepers know, your friend could be saying that they don’t like something or hatching a plot to steal an item. Either way, people are put on the defensive when someone is whispering in front of them.

I think your friend should be schooled. I’m considering starting an etiquette boot camp for people like your her who are repeat offenders. Until then, I suggest that you discuss the issue with her before your next shopping trip. Try to use “I” messages: i.e., “I’ve noticed that this has happened before and it makes me uncomfortable.” Then calmly tell her why.

You can also let her know that there is a difference in something being too expensive versus something that one simply can’t afford. I do not have the means to buy a Rolls Royce, but after seeing a program once about how every detail is painstakingly crafted, I think they are 100% worth every penny. If your friend thinks that something is out of her reach financially, she can chose not to purchase it. It’s as simple as that. If she still really needs to vent about prices, etc., please tell her to wait until you are outside or at the very least, out of earshot/eyeshot.

Good luck,

Mary Pat