Manners Matter

Dear Mary Pat,

Is there any way to uninvite someone to your wedding? Chances are good that the “friend” in question probably will think of an excuse to avoid coming to my wedding after a falling out we had this week, but with the wedding only weeks away, I am afraid she and her husband will attend after all. I just don’t want things to be awkward. I know that I can’t control every aspect of the day and even with all the planning, not everything is going to go perfectly, but I’d like to avoid any additional tension. My friend said some pretty hurtful things about me and my fiancĂ©, and I’m at a loss as to what to do. Please help!


Place Card Cancelled

Baileys Harbor, WI

Dear Place Card Cancelled,

Weddings are one of the most stressful things to plan. No matter how much one hopes to keep it simple, all the details can become overwhelming, especially as the date draws nearer. To say that you are probably feeling some pressure right now is most likely a huge understatement. Since you mentioned that your friend is already married, she should have no trouble remembering back to the stress that she was under right before her big day. Given that, she should have kept her inappropriate opinions to herself.

What I have noticed with my friendships over the years is that friends fade in and out of your life. Some friends you will have as a part of your life no matter where you are. Seven months may go by with no word, and then two minutes into a phone conversation, you pick up right where you left off. Some friends you know briefly, and then just as quickly as they came around, they are gone again. Like someone who was on your same college dorm floor who was great, but after graduation he/she quickly becomes part of your past. And then there are the friends who you think you are supposed to hang on to, but who really need to get the boot out the door. I like to think of these types of “friends” as those with a toxic nature. If they tend to tear down versus build up, you have to wonder why you spend any time with them, let alone give them a title of “friend.” Your “friend” sounds like she may fall into this category. That is something you will know with time. If you can forgive her comments and move on, then great. However, if you really don’t see eye to eye on things anymore and she has just ripped on you and your soon to be husband, you will most likely always have doubts about her.

As far as the wedding, I would leave the ball in her court. If she does come up with an excuse about why she can’t attend, graciously accept it and then see what happens down the road. If she does end up attending the wedding, I would recommend being polite to her, but not really giving her much time or energy. You will have lots of other family and friends wanting to spend time with you. Give your attention to those more deserving. Also, if she tries to bring any more drama up, tell her that it is not the time or place to discuss it and simply walk away. Don’t let any of her opinions taint your wedding day. Better yet, don’t let her opinions rent any more space in your head. I’m sure you have many other things to take care of. File this chick to the back of your mind where she belongs for now.

Good luck,

Mary Pat