Manners Matter: How to Deal with a Party Crasher

Dear Mary Pat,

I have an acquaintance who just shows up at places uninvited. He has an uncanny knack for knowing when a party is happening or a business function is taking place. Sometimes, it is really inappropriate such as when he showed up at our buddy’s wedding reception. There wasn’t a place set for him for dinner and the bride panicked for a little bit thinking that she messed the seating chart up. After her new husband reminded her that “Joe” didn’t make the cut, she asked the wedding planner to try to fit him in and it cost them an extra dinner. I would imagine their bar bill took a hit that night too.

I don’t know what Joe is trying to achieve by crashing parties, weddings and other functions, but it has really become a bad habit. It makes this extremely awkward and a man in his 50s should know better. Is it my place to say anything? No one else seems to know what to do.



No Joe Please

Algoma, Wis.



Dear No Joe Please,


Apparently Joe thinks that the rules don’t apply to him, but they do. Wedding crashing is something better suited for a movie script. And I’ve never heard of people crashing business functions.

You could come right out and ask him about this, but you might want to get a better understanding of why he does this in the first place. Is he bored? Lonely? Looking for free appetizers? Once you understand where Joe is coming from, you might be better able to help him use his manners. Crashing weddings and business meetings is never a good idea, but if it’s just a party, maybe adding one more couldn’t hurt. Since Joe is likely to show up anyway, you might see if there are functions that you can extend him an invite to begin with.


Good luck,

Mary Pat


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