Manners Matter: Long-Distance Love

Dear Mary Pat,

My girlfriend and I just finished our freshman year at college. I go to school here in Wisconsin and her school is in Ohio. Needless to say, we didn’t get to see each other very much over the past two semesters apart from when we were home for Christmas and spring break. The distance has put a strain on our relationship. She broke up with me right before Christmas but then we got back together. Two weeks ago she said can’t wait to see me and spend the summer together and then last night on the phone she said that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea for us to spend too much time together since we are going to be apart again when school starts. I’m so confused that I don’t know which end is up. If it was just a matter of her losing interest in me, I could accept that. But even after she says we shouldn’t spend a lot of time together, she tells me how much she loves me. What am I supposed to think?

Signed,

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not?

Sturgeon Bay, Wis.

Dear She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not?

I’m sure your girlfriend isn’t deliberately trying to mess with you, but the results are still the same. She has muddied the waters with her hot and cold behavior and mixed messages. Even though she says she loves you (and probably does) she isn’t treating you very well. Long distance relationships are hard, but not impossible. If she really wants to be with you, then the distance is just part of the equation for the near future. Maybe a little distance this summer would help give some clarity to the situation. Give her a lot of space and let her think about what it is that she really wants. In the meantime, you’ll have time to think about what it is that you really want. Maybe you’ll discover that if someone really wants to be a part of your life, she won’t let anything get in the way of that happening.

Good luck,

Mary Pat