Manners Matter: Our Wedding, Our Way?

Dear Mary Pat,

My fiancé and I were supposed to get married in May, and obviously, we had to cancel. Our original wedding was supposed to have 265 guests and be fairly over the top, if I’m honest. We decided to hold off until next May and plan the exact same wedding then.

After thinking about it more, though, we aren’t sure whether we want to have that big of a wedding anymore. Both of our jobs are a little uncertain at the moment, and we don’t want to ask our parents to contribute anything more than they have already.

But how are we supposed to tell some of our guests who had already sent their RSVP cards back that now they aren’t going to make the cut? Our parents say that we should move forward with the original plan. We feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. Help!


Fretful Fiancée 

Sister Bay, Wisconsin

Dear Fretful Fiancée,

I’m sure you and your fiancé are not alone in trying to figure out the best way forward. I was invited to several weddings this summer, and they have all been rescheduled or greatly modified. None of those couples could foresee that their 12 to 18 months’ worth of planning would result in having to basically start over, and each has come up with a totally different approach that works for them now. 

My advice is to pause for a minute. Don’t allow yourselves to feel pressured into making any decisions during the next couple of weeks. This is your wedding, and you and your fiancé are the only ones who should ultimately say how it will look. None of your guests are going to fault you for having to make a change, especially if there are new budgetary constraints. You will figure it out together and hopefully start becoming joyful about the prospect of your new wedding and your new life together. 

Good luck,

Mary Pat