Manners Matter: Receiving Gifts

Dear Mary Pat,

I love buying people gifts to honor the big moments and accomplishments in their life. I live far from family so almost always end up shipping these items to their homes. Here’s my problem: from the teenaged and college-aged ones, I never receive acknowledgment that they actually received the gift. I would appreciate confirmation that the items aren’t floating out there somewhere due to a shipping error, and to know that they actually appreciate the gift. Is it on me to follow up with every gift I send, or is there something I can say to let them know an acknowledgment would be gracious?

The Gift Horse

Liberty Grove, Wis.

Dear The Gift Horse,

I find it sad that you even need to write this question and yet I am not surprised. In our casual world, manners can sometimes be tossed out the window. For example, some people think it’s appropriate to send a text as a thank you for a wedding gift. (It’s not by the way.)

The main purpose of a thank you note is to stop and thank a person who went out of their way to spend their time and money to pick out something special. An added purpose of a thank you note is to act as a delivery confirmation. Things can easily be lost or stolen if they are being shipped. If the recipient sends a thank you note right away, the gift giver will have peace of mind that their present didn’t end up on someone else’s porch or some dark corner in a DHL warehouse never to be seen again.

If you want to know what happened to your gift, then it does fall on you if you don’t hear back. If you don’t receive a thank you note within six weeks, it is absolutely fine to inquire whether the gift arrived. You can send an email or text and just say something like, “Hi, Suzie Q, I sent you a package in May. Just wanted to make sure it was delivered. Thanks, Aunt Jane” And if Suzie Q has any social graces, she will begin by apologizing and then say she was just about to send a thank you note.

Good luck,

Mary Pat