Manners Matter: Unrequited Christmas Presents

Dear Mary Pat,

I always find it uncomfortable when someone gets me a Christmas present and I don’t have a gift for them in return. The budget stretches only so far, and I feel a little overwhelmed thinking about getting gifts beyond my immediate family and close friends. What’s the cutoff? Where should your gift list end?

Signed,

Can Give Only So Much

Ephraim, Wisconsin

Dear Can Give Only So Much,

Things don’t always balance out with gift giving around the holidays, and that’s perfectly fine. People tend to put way too much pressure on themselves to be wonderful hosts, thoughtful gift givers, exceptional bakers and world-class decorators. For this we can again look to Martha Stewart and Pinterest to take the lion’s share of the blame. The bar is set ridiculously high.

Making lists is always a great way to get organized. Start with a list of your “must give” gifts, then move on to the B list, so to speak. Come up with a list of people who have given you gifts in the past. If they’re likely to give you something again and you don’t have the funds to reciprocate, then perhaps you can send them a card instead or a small plate of your famous Christmas cookies. 

You can also give yourself permission to give nothing. Graciously say thank you in person (and in writing), and don’t make it awkward by giving reasons for not having anything in return. People should give gifts freely without expecting anything in return, and most do. Also, don’t underestimate the gift of your friendship, which is why it seems people are generously giving to you in the first place.

Good luck,

Mary Pat