Overheard and Pet Peeves: May 12, 2017

OVERHEARD

Are there tid-bits of conversations you’ve heard while standing in line at the grocery store, serving a table, or walking down the sidewalk that make you smile, cringe or laugh out loud?

“I should be good. If I wake up dead then I know I’ve gone too far.”

“I’d have to stalk you at closer range to find that out.”

“This is why Skype is better than talking on the phone. I can see you ignoring me!”

“No, thanks. I’m not hungry. I just ate a gallon of Mayflies on my way over.”

“Fleet? Isn’t that the stuff they give you to drink before a colonoscopy?”

“Bagpipes?! I would have gone knowing that.”

“It’s really hard to wrangle a comforter into a bathroom stall.”

“I sell eggs for beer.”

“They just sh** on my porch. That’s all that I see.”

PET PEEVES

Is there something that really irks you, gets your goat, rubs you the wrong way, drives you up the wall, gets you bent out of shape, puts a stick in your craw, or makes you want to throw in the towel?

People who empty the paper tray in a printer and don’t replenish the supply.

Mayflies. In my hair, and nose, and mouth.

When someone leaves two squares of toilet paper on the roll to get out of having to replace it.

The people who avoid eye contact with you when you’re in the same room as them and then complain to other people that you never say “hi” to them.

The puff of flour that takes over your field of vision within the first three seconds of turning the mixer on.

Going to the grocery store with one item on your list and coming home with six things, but the one thing you needed isn’t one of them.

Having to repeatedly assure a cashier that no, you do not need a bag. And that yes, you’re sure you do not need a bag.

The drivers, usually in trucks and SUVs, who you can see in your rearview mirror a half-mile back, but constantly gaining until they are tailgating you, and then do not pass but continue to tailgate all the way to your destination.

Be a part of the Pulse! Send over your SHOUT OUTS, OBSESSIONS, OVERHEARDS, or PET PEEVES to [email protected] with one of the above categories in the subject line…and, let us know if you’d prefer the submission be printed anonymously.