The Beatles to be Replaced by Big Brother and the Holding Company

Nearly two years ago, highly trained musical analysts from Berkeley technical school in Southern Indiana put into effect “Operation Big Brother.” I know what you’re thinking. No, this is not an attempt to recentralize power to Stalin’s predecessors. Nor is this a way for Berkeley to make mustaches fashionable again. No, “Operation Big Brother” is a way for music fans everywhere to stop obsessing about the Beatles and move onto something bigger and better.

“In fact, we already have that replacement all set up. Within a five year period, we plan to take away all love for the Beatles, and instead give it to the quasi-known psychedelic band called Big Brother and the Holding Company,” quotes Sam Andrew, founding member and guitarist for Big Brother and the Holding Company. “Now, I know what you’re thinking,” says Andrew. “What gives me the right to deem my washed-up band better than the Beatles? Well, let’s just say the Beatles never wrote love songs quite like ours. Ever hear of ‘Piece of my Heart’? Of course you have. In this magical tune, we sang such lyrics as: ‘Hey! Have another little piece of my heart now, baby, yeah.’ This revolutionary set of lyrics promised to the twenty chicks that actually followed our band, that we would literally give them a piece of our heart. Now that’s true love.”

Berkeley analysts have decided “Piece of my Heart,” will be a reasonable substitute for Beatles songs such as “All You Need is Love” and “I Want to Hold your Hand.” Musical researchers have also decided to proclaim that from now on, Abbey Road posters and the like are untrendy and dangerously close to lame. Another substitute for said posters will be issued: a picture of Big Brother and the Holding Company walking across a stretch of crosswalk. The picture is scheduled to be taken next week in England, in front of a bunch of British looking cars. The members will also be wearing retro suits, and the second member walking across will wear no shoes. Analysts state this fresh idea will surely arouse excited opinions about Big Brother.

When analysts were asked the question “Isn’t this poster idea exactly the same as Abbey Road?” Analysts were ready. John Hunter, lead researcher on the case study states, “No, no, that’s where you’re wrong. In the Abbey Road poster, the third Beatles band member walked across barefoot. In our poster, our second band member will be walking across a stretch of crosswalk barefoot. It’s completely different. It’s like saying Vanilla Ice’s ‘Ice Ice Baby’ is close to Queen’s ‘Under Pressure.’ Vanilla had a whole new set of beats, just like we have a whole new poster.”

Music analysts on the project were tickled to find that Derk Dingle, founder and spokesman for the Big Brother fan website, has been rapidly spreading the word of this new BBATHB sensation. Here’s what Dingle has to say on the matter:

“I just knew Big Brother would make its big debut again. I mean it was only a matter of time before my love for this band would make me seem hip with the in-crowd and dare I say groovy. My next wish is for this same group of researchers to make fanny packs, hammer pants, and pogs cool again. Now that’d really be something.”

Sarah Schrupp is an English Education major at UW-Eau Claire. Among her favorite authors is Jon Krakauer because of his ability to climb mountains and grow the occasional beautiful, bushy beard.