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Winter Snowball

(Black Eyed Peas – I Gotta Feeling)

Chaperone: Tonight, I’ll have three daughters out there somewhere. One is a freshman, the other two sophomores, and they’re all on their first dates tonight, or at least that’s what they told me.

Me: That has to be a little nerve racking.

Chaperone: Yeah, I’ll just have to divert my eyes for as long as I can.

(Lady Gaga – Just Dance)

When the Kids enter, they’ve entered a maze of rope aisles, being told they need to check their valuables at the door, but this concept is completely lost on the Kids. Their valuables are clinging onto their arms and holding their hands: their valuables are living, breathing, uncheckable. The boys hand over their cell phones and the girls slip their heels off and throw them into the bag along with their clutches, which also contains their cell phones. The girls check their coats, but the boys didn’t wear their coats to the dance, because “this is winter in Wisconsin baby, we don’t need our coats – we’re men!” Yes, they are men tonight: men wearing clip-on ties, tuxedo t-shirts, and cologne their moms gave them for Christmas.

The Kids, couple by couple, run into the commons as if they are running from the bulls. The only difference is that they aren’t running from anything: they are running toward something. They are running toward the lights, the lights that were turned on when all of the other lights were turned off, the bright lights. They feel the music, each beat pulling on their hips, bending their knees, bobbing their heads. The music will be their guardian tonight, not their parents, because Mom and Dad aren’t here and they won’t be for another three hours.

DJ: EVERYBODY SCREAM!

The Kids: YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

(David Guetta – Sexy Bitch)

Fifteen minutes in, the Kids are in full-on grind mode. A boy in khaki pants is grinding—hard—on a girl’s back. She is dressed in a short, black skirt and bent over slightly, accepting him. Back and forth they grind and as the song changes, the tempo of their grind is steady and concentrated. This scene is being played out five hundredfold on the dance floor. The boys and girls are everywhere, grinding, taking whatever it is—anger, sadness, hormones—out on their partner’s leg. The high school has dubbed this kind of movement “intimate dancing” and it was announced earlier in the week that this kind of dancing wouldn’t be tolerated on this night. But there are the Kids, grinding.

Chaperone: That kid there, in the khaki pants, has to be so hard right now. I mean, how could you not be? He’s been grinding on that girl’s back for a half hour now.

Me: Well I guess they’ve all paid ten dollars to dry hump in public for three hours.

(Shakira – She Wolf)

There are chaperones present, both parents and college volunteers, to keep an eye on the Kids, to make sure they don’t sneak into an unguarded hallway to make out. But bigger problems arise at the coat-check. One girl asks for her bag, #108, and upon receipt, the girl digs into her purse and pulls out her cell phone to text. She waits. Her phone flashes. She puts her cell phone back into her purse and pulls a condom from one of the inside pockets of the purse and retreats back to the dance floor. She’s beaming.

(MGMT – Kids)

Everyone is here tonight. The Asian Club is getting down with the Latino Club, the student council is electric sliding with half of the varsity basketball team, and the gay couples are grooving with the straight couples. There are two dapper young boys grinding on each other near the edge of the mass. When the chorus hits, one boy leans in and kisses the other sloppily, but with passion. This inspires another couple, girl and boy, to kiss. It’s a chorus of Kids making out and when the song ends, they are all human and need a drink of water.

(Jason DeRulo – Whatcha Say)

When you walk into one of the hallways, a rush of cool air hits you and it’s then when you notice that the commons has become a sauna. The cool feels good, but not everyone is as refreshed by the crisp air. For some couples, the snowball has turned into a snow brawl, and the hallway has become a psychiatrist’s office.

Girl (crying): I told you I don’t like her! So don’t talk to her!

Boy: I’m not try’nna get on her, I was just talkin’.

Girl (still crying): Oh my God, you just don’t get it!

Boy: What don’t I get? I thought you said…

I walk past the couple before I hear anything else, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t going to end well. Or at least how the boy wanted it to end.

(Journey – Don’t Stop Believin’)

Chaperone: Wow. They played this song when I was in high school but back then, they played records because CDs were too expensive. I think they were like twenty bucks a pop.

Me: It just goes to show that these Kids can grind to anything. You know, some will win, some will lose…

Chaperone: Some were born to sing the blues!

(Iyaz – Replay)

Two and a half hours later, Black Skirt is still having her back and right leg violated by Khaki Pants’ incessant grinding, but Khaki Pants has untucked his shirt to hide whatever it is underneath. They’re both sweating and they both look tired but there’s no way they’re stopping.

The principal has taken notice of all this “intimate dancing” and has decided he needs to intervene. He approaches the DJ and speaks briefly with him among the din of the mass. The principal walks away.

DJ: All right ya’ll, apparently there’s a little too much dry humping going on, so we’re all gonna do a country line dance!

The Kids: WHAT?!?!?

(Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart)

…five seconds later

(Kevin Rudolf – Let It Rock)

The Kids: YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

(Ke$ha – Tik Tok)

The dance is winding down. Some couples have already left to get a head start doing, well, whatever the Kids do these days. However, many of the Kids have stayed until all the lights are turned back on. The girls, whose feet are black from discarding their expensive shoes, are still here, sweating through their dresses and onto their date’s chests, which are also moist with natural exhaust.

The chaperones are yawning, their ears ringing, as they are counting down the last minutes of the night. They are all tired. They all have places to go, beds to sleep in, memories to try and suppress.

Chaperone: Man, high school was a blast.

Me: Yeah.

(The Beatles – All You Need Is Love)

The mass starts the mass exit. Nearly every couple is holding hands, and as the girls return to the coat check to get their valuables, the boys wait. Remember, the boys didn’t have much to check that they weren’t already holding onto. So what are the boys waiting for?

A few of the Kids are sitting down away from the mass, waiting for the ebb, underneath a giant archway. The archway reads: “Snowball 2010: All You Need Is Love”, which is the theme of this year’s dance. Not much has changed since the 1960s. The Kids still need love and some of them found it tonight. Others found themselves with the lights on as they look around to see the big, colorful balloons, the streamers, and the tie-dye that had glorified the commons into a dance floor. But now the lights are on and everyone can see everyone else clearly. The music has stopped and the DJ has been paid. And by the way, he needs to get the hell out of here because there’s a kegger he’s been invited to and there will be girls there.

But if this scene is killing your buzz or ruining your high, that shouldn’t matter: these high school Kids are the ones who mattered tonight and yes, they are high. And they’re not coming down. They’ve never coming down.