You Are What You Drink

Barista Anissa Ehmke may know you better than you know yourself. Photo by Len Villano.

Astrologers rely on the stars and planets to determine who and what you are, perhaps they should open a coffee shop. (That’s right, your barista may know more about you than you think.) Mochas, Lattes, Cappuccinos – after creating and serving a multitude of coffee drinks to the masses, Anissa Ehmke of Espresso Lane in Baileys Harbor may be considered a “coffologer” of sorts.

“I’ve thought about how I can tell a person’s personality based on what they drink before,” laughs Ehmke. She, along with her sister and fellow barista Alissa Ehmke, ponder popular coffee drinks and the various individuals who order them.

“Didn’t she make you cry?” “He’s the one that went to jail, right?” “Oh, they were super nice.”

In a very unscientific discussion over popcorn and coffee, of course, the sisters assign characteristics based on coffee drinks. Here’s what they came up with:

Whatever your coffee drink of choice, Ehmke and staff prepare delicious beverages, (as well as bakery and sandwiches). Photo by Len Villano.

Black Coffee: If you go for plain old black coffee like your grandfather used to drink (because cream and sugar were too expensive back in those days), you are an old soul. You tend to be opinionated, but emotionally and mentally strong.

Vanilla Latte: You like to play it safe, don’t you? Maybe you’re a bit unimaginative and a bit plain, but you are also very reliable. Friends know you’ll be there should they find themselves in a bind.

Flavored Mocha: Admit it – you don’t know exactly what you are ordering; you just want something sugary (like your personality). You are very nice and very accepting with a hint of naiveté and a tendency to overindulge.

Chai: You want to fit in. You want to be authentic coffee drinker. You’re not. You are a misfit with a fear of coffee. But, you are conscious of your caffeine intake and therefore calmer than the rest of us.

Dry Cappuccino: If you tend to order this ‘drink’ of mostly foam you can be very particular and somewhat anal. You know what you want and are therefore a primarily successful, driven individual. Your organization skills are superb.

Shot of Espresso: (See Black Coffee) You are also attracted to and embrace urban areas, the bohemian lifestyle and art of all mediums.

(Left to right) Charlie Philbrick and Mark and Julie Reinecke warm up with their favorite coffee drinks at Espresso Lane. Photo by Len Villano.

Breve: You have a rich, eccentric personality. Others might not know quite what to make of you or how to handle your dramatic mood swings, but keep on walking to the beat of your own drum.

Caramel Macchiato with extra caramel and caramel drizzled on the whip cream: You are a tourist. (And there is nothing wrong with that!)

Different Drink Everyday: You are an adventurous risk-taker who may suffer from some indecisiveness but a desire to experience it all.

[Disclaimer: there is not a speck of authentic research to back any of these claims. Feel free to order any of the above beverages without judgment at Espresso Lane, open daily, located at 8037 Highway 57 in Baileys Harbor.]