Article posted Monday, November 22, 2010 12:39pm

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): This star-filled period, change direction. Drop your pursuit of the bungee-jump championship and take up short track speed skating on the new all linoleum Egg Harbor Raceway.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): More good news for you this month. Your broker will be indicted and your dentist indicates that he can do your root canal at a reduced price. Now, look for a visit from Publisher’s Clearing House.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): You will take charge. Celestial signs illuminate the totally made-over personality that is about to bring you regional recognition. Call your agent and get rid of your size 11 dancing shoes.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): Say goodbye to acne. Cosmic particles in your backpack will mean solid progress in your battle with forces beyond your control. Try pizza with marmalade instead of Brussels sprouts to fortify your diet.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): A celestial happening on your front porch is your awakening to the new life that will be laid out before you. Stop taking vitamin EE and switch to a combination of castor oil and prune juice and remember to return your shopping cart to the rack.

Aries (March 21 – April 19): You have a spectacular month ahead and will be chosen to represent Door County in the Milwaukee Area Demolition Derby. Prepare for this event by wearing combat boots and taking your dog for three-mile walks during your lunch break.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): Keep your eyes open and watch for signs of activity near Jupiter the next 17 evenings. Blasts of blue light visible only to you will take five pounds off your body even as you put away two burgers and extra fries.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): Avoid left turns again this cosmic time and remember to keep a supply of duct tape for the winter season. Your application to be mayor of Chicago is being considered by the Illinois Ethics Board. Your chances are excellent.

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): The collision in your parking lot parallels a crash in outer space, both a result of transmission difficulties with your horoscope this period. During the delay, pick up your dry cleaning.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): The stars will guide each of your steps in this critical time and the planets will correct all mistakes caused by opposing forces. The man behind the curtain should be ignored at this time.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Your wardrobe will cause jealous glances, but solid evidence indicates that polyester plaids in the beige range are your ticket to the American Idol final four.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Distant vibrations from Ellison Bay are a guide to your future. Seize this moment to rectify all misdirection in your quest to yodel at the Valmy Winter Sports Spectacular and Antique Auto Show.