Article posted Wednesday, July 17, 2013 11:31am

Dear Mary Pat,

It was my birthday last week. My friend was nice enough to give me a gift. It was very sweet of her, however, it is the exact same thing that I gave her for Christmas two years ago. I don’t think it was a coincidence; I think she simply re-gifted the exact same gift. I feel slightly cheated and unimportant. Should I say something to her?

Signed,

Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth

Ellison Bay, WI

Dear Don’t Look a Gift Horse in the Mouth,

The concept of re-gifting can be great in that one man’s trash is another man’s treasure, but if you are going to re-gift something, you need to be smart about it.

1) Keep a gift drawer at home. Fill it with things that you see out while shopping such as an adorable item on sale or something that would have wide appeal like candles. Try to select things that don’t have an expiration date.

2) Put things in the gift drawer that have been given to you that you don’t particularly care for if they are nice. If it is something that no one will like or very taste-specific, such as the entire Barry Manilow CD collection, then consider giving it away or throwing it away.

Whatever you do decide to keep in the re-gifted pile, make sure you keep a list of who gave you the item and when. This will avoid the awkward situation that your friend created.

3) When you are giving a re-gifted item, make sure to consult your list first and then, just to be safe, give the gift to someone in an entirely different circle – people who don’t run in the same crowds.

4) When you are giving a gift, be mindful of the person receiving it. Would they really enjoy what you are giving or are you just giving something to give it? Most people can tell when thought has been put into something. Sometimes no gift is better than a gift given without care.

5) If there isn’t anything in your gift drawer that is appropriate, then go out and select something perfect for the occasion. Remember, it’s not necessarily about cost, it’s about knowing the person who the gift is for and picking something that they would truly appreciate.

If this really bothers you, then you might want to mention it to your friend, but ask yourself if it is worth it. She will probably be mortified. If you focus on the fact that she was trying to do something nice for you, you can hopefully let it go.

Good luck,

Mary Pat