Overheard and Pet Peeves

OVERHEARD

Are there tid-bits of conversations you’ve heard while standing in line at the grocery store, serving a table, or walking down the sidewalk that make you smile, cringe or laugh out loud?

“Next we’ll do ‘Stairway to Heaven.’ Then ‘In A Gadda Da Vida.’ Then we’ll smoke pot and do the Jimi Hendrix thing. Then we’re gonna burn a guitar, smash it, get drunk and go home.”

“Aren’t you hot?” “I’m about normal.” “Your ‘normal’ flashes?”

“We should start a Pessimist Club. Everyone in it would think it’s a dumb idea.”

“I spent all night vacuuming the air around my house in hopes of sucking up any ghosts that might appear.”

“Those Kirby vacuums are quite versatile. Hopefully you have the ghost filter, though. Otherwise the ghost spirit will be separated into several smaller ghosts.

“Why does Samuel L. Jackson feel he has to yell in those Capital One commercials? THE BOOM MIC’S ALL HOOKED UP, SAMMY.”

“What?! I accidentally broke the glass. You, on the other hand, didn’t accidentally punch a hole through a fridge door. Who’s the ‘psycho nutcase?’”

“You should have just built a Menards with living quarters instead of a house.”

“You keep asking me to make things but you never let me. I know, I’ll build them for myself and make you jealous. I want one of those wooden deck coolers. I’ll make it tomorrow, then throw it in the garbage just because I can.”

PET PEEVES

Is there something that really irks you, gets your goat, rubs you the wrong way, drives you up the wall, gets you bent out of shape, puts a stick in your craw, or makes you want to throw in the towel?

People who address correspondence to “Sir” or “Gentleman,” as though women aren’t in positions to receive important communication.

Cigarette butts on the sidewalk.

Catching someone staring at you from a table or in their car, and when you smile at them, they don’t smile back but instead keep staring with a scowl on their face. What have I done to offend you?!

Ladybugs indoors in October. Especially when they fly into your long, thick hair and you don’t know if you got them out or if they are making a home on your scalp.

After drinking a full cup of coffee, looking at the cup’s rim and seeing lipstick…but you don’t wear lipstick.

Be a part of the Pulse! Send over your SHOUT OUTS, OBSESSIONS, OVERHEARDS, or PET PEEVES to [email protected] with one of the above categories in the subject line…and, let us know if you’d prefer the submission be printed anonymously.