Parent Corner: How Much Structure is too Much?

by KAREN COREKIN-DeLaMER, Education and Community Relations Coordinator, Northern Door Children’s Center

I’m a dad to two great children. My boy is seven, and my girl is three. I’ve recently been working remotely, and I’ve arranged my schedule to have them home with me two days a week this summer. They will be attending a summer program at my daughter’s child care center the other three days. 

During the school year, my wife and I keep them on a very regular schedule. In previous summers, they attended the summer program five days a week, and we stayed on the school-year schedule as much as possible. 

This is my first opportunity to be at home, and I’m excited for this time to spend with them! My concern is whether I should still keep them on a tight schedule like we usually do, or keep things loose and let them figure out their own thing on the days when they’re home. What are your thoughts? 

— First-Time Stay-at-Home Dad

Dear Stay-at-Home Dad,

I’m so happy for you and your children to have this time together! It can be a balancing act to keep them busy and active while still creating opportunities for some much-needed down time after a hectic school year. 

I think the key idea for you here is to think about schedule versus routine. A schedule is a way you structure your children’s lives based on time allowed for daily activities and getting places in a timely manner. A routine is something that includes all the necessary activities, such as meals and rest time, as well as their preferred things to do. 

What makes a routine different from a schedule is that it allows your children to move through their day at a slower and more relaxed pace. This is especially true for those days when they are home with you. Even on the days when your children go to their summer program, you can start the day a little later and maybe linger a little over breakfast together.

I would recommend trying to keep bedtime and wake-up routines pretty close to the ones they follow during the school year, however, because this will make for an easier transition in the fall and help them continue to have quality sleep. 

As for what to do with your children on your days with them, I’d suggest starting with a conversation about what they might like to do. Some days, you could spend time at the beach or taking a hike. Other days, they might like to hang out at home with you and play games, do an art project or read. Again, it’s nice to find a balance between staying busy and just chilling out. Let your children be your guide. 

I wish you all the best as you enjoy some joyful summer days together!

Karen Corekin-DeLaMer holds degrees in elementary, special and early-childhood education. She has been a teacher, administrator and parent educator since 1984 and is the education and community-relations coordinator for Northern Door Children’s Center in Sister Bay. Email your questions to her at [email protected].