The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations

About five years ago Congress was considering a series of “reforms” of the tax code as it relates to the charitable sector. As a result, I found myself flying to Washington in an effort to discuss the implications of those proposed reforms with various members of Congress.

I came home telling my children about my meeting with this man who serves on the House Ways and Means Committee, that man who is in the Senate leadership, and so forth. Being the fish out of water that I was, I also played tourist and brought back refrigerator magnets for my kids so that I could show them where I had been. Even now on our fridge are magnets with pictures of all the presidents and of the Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington and Roosevelt Memorials.

Rebecca Ryan (in black) talks to a group of area high school girls about raising expectations at the Celebrate Women luncheon Aug. 24.

One day not too long ago I arrived home to find my eight year-old daughter standing on a stool before our refrigerator closely inspecting all the presidential magnets. She was much too young to remember my trips to Washington, so it was as if she just discovered that the magnets were there.

I asked her, “Do you want to be president some day?”

She replied, “Daddy, of course not. There are no girl presidents.”

I couldn’t help but think about this brief conversation with my daughter while listening to Rebecca Ryan speak after last month’s Celebrate Women luncheon hosted by the Women’s Fund of Door County. Ryan is a former professional basketball player turned business consultant who works with companies that employ the newest generation of workers. Her insight into what makes young people tick is simply amazing.

While Ryan’s theme of “reaching for the stars” was inspiring to the more than 300 guests at the luncheon, her message to the group of local high school girls she met with immediately after the luncheon was even more poignant.

The Women’s Fund invited young female athletes from every school district in the county with the hope that they might relate to Ryan’s background as an athlete and thus be inspired by her ideas. I stood in the back of the room and listened while Ryan talked with these young ladies about their dreams for the future. Every one of them said they were planning on attending college.

Ryan then asked the young women to raise their hand if they wanted to be a Supreme Court Justice. Or perhaps President of the United States. Or maybe a member of Congress. Or even the Chief Executive Officer of a major corporation.

Not a single young lady raised her hand.

Ryan contends that our challenge is one of expectations. She believes that we simply do not set them high enough when it comes to our daughters. She’s probably right.

Thankfully, our modern society generally considers it unacceptable to discriminate against a person because they are of a different gender. The CEO who says that he will never promote a woman to a senior position because she is not a man is almost universally condemned in today’s world. I don’t mean to deny that sexism still exists – it certainly does, just as racism still exists. But blatantly sexist actions, just like openly racist ideas, are now overwhelmingly rejected by most Americans.

Our next challenge is a much more difficult one. The overt act is easily identified and can be readily addressed. It’s the covert belief, the nefarious stereotype held deep inside, which is far more difficult to eradicate. Michael Gerson, former speechwriter for President George W. Bush, called it “the soft bigotry of low expectations.”

I appreciate the need to have bold expectations for our daughters because people tend to live up to the expectations we set for them. And even if they don’t quite reach the goal, there is almost certainly a high level of success achieved, however you want to measure success, as a result of the effort. But expectations in this context are those we as parents place upon our daughters. They are not of our daughters choosing.

Perhaps we should also take the time to teach our daughters to dream. We need them to imagine a world beyond their own horizon, to strive for a future brighter than they ever thought possible.

Like every parent, my wife and I have certain expectations of our children. But maybe the most important expectation we can have is that our children work tirelessly and strive to realize their own dreams.

Our community should encourage our daughters to dream, then expect them to chase after their dream with all their might. And quite frankly, we should do the same with our sons as well.