Article posted Thursday, July 1, 2010 2:50pm

Item #1: During the past week I noticed a spray bottle of sitting next to the sink in the downstairs bathroom. A cursory reading of the label caused me to pause and ultimately reflect on the mysteries of the advertising world.

The spray bottle in question was a standard bathroom product used to clean washbasins, bathtubs, and tile surfaces. What struck me about the product was the label, which read – in part – “Dissolves Soap Scum and Hard Water Deposits.” Pretty standard claims on a bathroom cleanser, I concede, but the use of the word “scum” struck me as unusual.

According to the most recent edition of the Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online “scum” is:

“1 a : extraneous matter or impurities risen to or formed on the surface of a liquid often as a foul filmy covering – compare POND SCUM 2 b : the scoria of metals in a molten state : DROSS c : a slimy film on a solid or gelatinous object 2 a : REFUSE b : a low, vile, or worthless person or group of people”

Obviously, the makers of this cleansing product were not referring to “low, vile, or worthless” people, nor were the referring to “the scoria of metals in a molten state” when they chose to use the word scum on their label. So, what they were hoping you would think of when you read “Soap Scum” was a “foul, filmy covering” or a “slimy film” and, if the use of scum resulted in you conjuring pictures of “pond scum” so much the better.

In reality, however, referring to the build-up of soap in your bathtub, shower, or sink over a period as “scum” is a gross misuse of the term. Residue soap is exactly that: residue, not scum. If soap use could really result in scum, why would anyone in the right mind ever wash with soap!

So why would the cleanser’s manufacturer and their ad agency use the word scum on their label? Well, folks, scum – by any definition – is disgusting and by using the word the manufacturer causes us, at least subconsciously, to be revolted. And, if we are revolted by something – and we have the option to do something about it – we are more likely to not only purchase their product but to use their product more frequently (i.e. rid ourselves of that cursed soap scum). Put another way, this is an intentional ploy to sell more product.

Don’t misunderstand my purpose in pointing out this ploy, however: soap residue should be cleaned periodically. But it can be minimized by simply rinsing your tub, sink, and shower stall after you wash. And if I were a soap manufacturer I would seriously consider a lawsuit.

Item #2: On a related note, I saw a television commercial for OFF! Clip-Ons, a new way to keep mosquitoes away from the manufacturer of the popular spray repellant. This new product clips onto your belt and is intended to provide an effective alternative to spraying your body from head to toe to keep the pests away.

Now I grant that I am well removed from the days when I wrote ad copy for a living, but I find it difficult to believe that the fundamental rules of the craft have changed. One of the key tenets of advertising copywriting is avoiding words, terms, phrases, or statements that can be misconstrued by your audience. This is one of the reasons that I always cringe when established products are re-introduced as “New” and/or “Improved.” What was wrong with the original product? Have they been selling an inferior product for years and have just now managed to get it right?

So now we return to the commercial for OFF! Clip-On mosquito repellant. At the very beginning of the commercial, we see a woman (presumably the wife) approaching a man (presumably the husband). The man raises his hand straight out to each side and grimaces as though he is about to be flogged. The voice over during this visual says something to the effect of “It’s hard to know which is worse: mosquitoes or the sprays that keep them away. Now there is an alternative to spray…[At this point, the woman puts an OFF! Clip-On on the man’s belt and he lowers his arms with an audible sigh of relief].”

Are you getting this, folks? The manufacturer of OFF! (and their ad agency) just said that their sprays, the same products they built their company with, are just as bad as the mosquitoes they were meant to repel. Somehow, this commercial made it through countless internal review sessions in the ad agency and at least one presentation to the manufacturer. Unless the intent here is to never sell another can of their spray repellant, this is one of the biggest blunders a manufacturer (and their ad agency) has made in recent years.

Item #3: Lastly a bit of familial indulgence. My sister, Sharon, who many of you will know from her 19 years with the Peninsula Music Festival, turn 50 years old this week. So, Happy Birthday, Sis, from your big brother! And I hope you don’t mind my including this salutation in the same column that I discuss “soap scum” and mosquitoes – even if it was intentional.