Article posted Wednesday, June 22, 2011 2:43pm

Dear Miss Manners,

Recently, I attended a cookout with a bunch of friends from high school. It was great to catch up with them and introduce them to my new husband, but things got awkward midway through the meal when everyone started talking about their annual group camping trip they have planned for later in the summer. The thing is, we are not invited on that trip, and for whatever reason, one of our old high school friends (who wasn’t at the barbecue that day) does not want me at the camping trip. Should I be upset with my friends for talking about it in front of me or should I be upset with the friend who can’t let bygones be bygones?

We’re not in High School Anymore
Sturgeon Bay, WI

Dear We’re Not in High School Anymore,

I’m not sure if we ever fully escape high school and its social structure. I think life is a series of cliques; some of them are more subtle, but we all have our little groups. If you don’t believe me, ask an elderly resident at a retirement home. It would be nice if people were more inclusive, but that isn’t always the case.
As far as your high school friends, it sounds as though you don’t get to see them as much, so they are used to hanging out in this certain combination of people. It makes sense then that they made plans without you to go camping. What doesn’t make sense is why they discussed their trip in front of you. If they weren’t going to include you, they absolutely should not have brought it up in front of you. It is also unfortunate, and rather immature, that the group seems to bend to the will of one person (a.k.a. the “friend” that can’t let bygones by bygones.) I’m not sure how long you’ve been out of school, but I’m under the impression that some time has gone by. I can’t imagine what could have happened to make the grudge-fest last so long.
All that being said, I think that the best thing to do is to ignore it. Focus on living your life with your new husband and let high school stay where it belongs. Your true friends, from high school and elsewhere, will be a part of your life without all of this extra nonsense. As far as the others, I would mark it down to their loss. As an added bonus, you don’t have to risk bug bites and poison ivy.

Good luck,
Mary Pat