Horiscopes

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18): You never worry about the future and for this you are admired. This is easy for you as you already know the future doesn’t give a hoot about you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20): People hide more than money in books. Frequent your local library!

Aries (March 21 – April 19): The ability you have to understand new technology and computers is astounding to most. So why do you persist in selling squirrel hides on eBay?

Taurus (April 20 – May 20): You are influential and people follow your lead. Encourage your friends to act. Tell them that wearing a T-shirt for their movement of choice or adorning their cars with stickers does not count.

Gemini (May 21 – June 21): If you see that your neighbors have a mirror hanging on the outside of their house and it faces your house, get the hint. Feng Shui believers feel it will make you go away!

Cancer (June 22 – July 22): There will soon be a desperate need for a dozen blue popsicles in your life. Don’t procrastinate. Go buy them now and be prepared.

Leo (July 23 – August 22): Start your homework assignments early in the week. New television episodes are sure to air each and every night, and what’s more important than supporting reality?

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): You’re funny, witty and entertaining. This is why you get invited to all the parties including the potluck dinners. So why is that you never bring any eats like everyone else does?

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Some say that life is a gray area. So why do you insist on seeing things in only black and white? Oh, that’s right, you’re color blind.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): Learn to take things less seriously. Look for humor and try being the butt of your own jokes for a change.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): The shadowed side of your personality can only stay hidden for so long. Carry a flashlight with you and let people see the real you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19): The most exercise you ever get is channel hopping. This is why your thumb is so dexterous and well built. It’s not really from plugging the holes in your sofa.