Article posted Wednesday, July 10, 2013 3:06pm

Dear Mary Pat,

My wife’s family has their annual vacation coming up in August. It ends up being six separate groups of us renting cabins alongside each other in northern Wisconsin.

Here’s the thing, it’s not really a vacation for me. Between handling my wife’s anxiety about spending time with certain family members and trying to coordinate schedules with 29 people, it doesn’t even come close to a relaxing experience.

Thankfully, the kids all get along with their cousins, but there is always some kind of drama going on with the adults and I just don’t want to deal with it. I’d rather take my immediate family away somewhere. How do I tell my wife that this annual tradition is really not working for me?

Signed,

Family Vacay

Valmy, WI

Dear Family Vacay,

I think that if you approach the subject calmly and just propose the idea of not going with your wife, she may consider it. Maybe she’ll actually be relieved since it doesn’t sound like she is enjoying it all that much either. Or, she might feel that she is obligated to go along with the traditional plan of all vacationing together. Vacationing with 29 people who all get along really well is a challenge; when you throw together personalities that clash, it obviously makes things that much more difficult.

If you end up having to participate, you should focus on carving out time for just your wife and kids. The more you go off from the group and do your own thing, the less time you’ll have to spend with the others. No one could question your motive about wanting to spend time with your immediate family. Also, avoid the drama wherever possible. If things get awkward among the adults, walk off and do your own thing. Some of the best tools to ignore the craziness might be a pair of ear buds, dark sunglasses, a large book and a beach chair. Or, you can always pretend to be sleeping on the beach if things get really desperate.

Good luck,

Mary Pat